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Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update February 11, 2021

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update February 11, 2021
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
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Apocalypse: The Story Of My Life (part 1)

I don't know how it was for you, but for me, 2020 was a pretty tough year. In a matter of months, I lost everything. My job. My friends. The life I'd spent an entire lifetime building. And the worst part is, it all started going downhill the day I did something I never do.
I asked for help.
Ever since then, it's been one downward spiral after another. I've seen first hand how quickly the fall to rock bottom can be. And I've come to realize how hard it is starting anew, especially in America. The supposed land of freedom and opportunity.
It's been frustrating, to say the least. And the more time passes, the more it feels like I'm losing my voice. Like the opportunity to tell my own story and validate my own existence is slipping away.
That's why I wanted to do something bold and daring.
A lot's changed since Covid. For the first time in my life, I have no job, no money, no insurance, and no real clue how I'm going to support myself. I don't even know how I'd be able to focus on any of that when I have so much to say about the world and the future we're headed to. Writing is the only way I know how to express myself. It's also one of the few marketable skills I have, so in my darkest hour of desperation, I was praying I could make a living off my words, somehow.
I tried starting a blog. That didn't go so well. There's much more to internet success than creating a website and posting a few decent articles. I'm nowhere near equipped to handle the marketing, advertising, or social media aspect that comes with building a brand. So I migrated my endeavors over to Facebook.
Even worse idea. Suffice to say, not that many people are actually interested in reading long, thoughtful articles over there.
Which brings me to Reddit. Truthfully, I'm just hoping to find a platform where I can tell my story, share the knowledge I have, find a way to rebuild myself, and make the world a better place in process. And I suppose I'll start by telling you about the Apocalypse.
I'll be upfront with you. When this idea first came to me, I was mostly looking for a gimmick. A way to promote myself on other parts of the web. But the more I think about the world ending, the more it occurs to me, that's exactly how I feel. From my perspective, it's as if society (and the world in general) is in freefall and it's been that way for a while. A large part of me is genuinely terrified that THIS is as good as humanity is ever going to get, and I feel obligated to say something. I feel as if I have to fight, I have to educate, and I have to keep hope alive for a better tomorrow.
SOMEBODY has to believe society can change. If not, nothing ever will.
So allow me a few moments to convince you that we are in an Apocalypse.
By no means is this an attempt at fear mongering. I simply have legitimate concerns about the future, I know how to write a decent narrative at times, and I was honestly proud of the work I put into this post, even if nobody read it.
Without further ado, . . .
Hello.
From henceforth, my name is Postuleo Jones.
I am writing to you from my top-secret location because we are in the midst of an Apocalypse. If you allow me just a few minutes of your time, I'll gladly explain to you what I mean. By the time we make it to the end of this document, you'll be armed with knowledge and you'll know exactly what you need to do in order to survive "the stupid".
To adequately explain why we are in an Apocalypse, I'd need to start by telling you the story of things I noticed starting in 2008 when Obama won the presidency. I will do that at some point in time, but for the sake of brevity, I'll explain why I'm going to be brief--
If you were to plot out causality and learn how randomness converges to create order, what we commonly refer to as 'cause and effect', you'd inevitably end up with something that looks like a graph. If you were to translate that graph and all of its meaning into a working model, you'd get a theory. There are several theories out there that attempt to describe chaos, but I'm going to use one that I made up, one that I'll expand upon in days to come.
According to this theory, by the time you notice the effect of something, logically you need to assume it's because the cause has already happened. Most of what I'd be doing by recapping 2008 would be highlighting a series of causes. A linear progression of observations. And by the time I got to 2020, I would have spent the past narrative explaining to you why we are in the Apocalypse, NOW--And that's one thing about the Apocalypse. Once you notice it, you need to assume it's because it's started.
Once it's started, you need to assume it will continue (aka it will annihilate you). And once you make that assumption, you need to adjust.
Immediately.
Because there's one thing in life that will always remain true; the Universe WILL NOT WAIT for you.
Now, something you need to know is, adjusting does not involve giving in to humanity's more basic instincts. In every Apocalypse movie/television series you have ever seen, once a causative factor has been identified (usually in the form of zombies [both radioactive and benign]), society almost immediately devolves into chaos and disorder.
As tempting as it is, and as easy as it is to succumb to what will henceforth be known as "the stupid", you must resist the urge. Chaos and anarchy might help you survive an Apocalypse, but it doesn't end one. And considering the nature of the Apocalypse we are in, one that centers firmly around stupidity, the best thing you can do--in fact the only thing you can do if you really want the Apocalypse to end--is be intelligent.
I am going to assume that you are intelligent. And because you are intelligent, I won't waste your time documenting the chain of events that have led us to now. If you have been watching the news or tuned in to the Donald Trump presidency, then you have already witnessed much of the causal stream.
Instead, I'm going to spend my time convincing you of WHEN the effect of "the stupid" became apparent to me. It was right after I told the truth. Because I chose to be honest, I was forced to enter the system. I ended up losing my job, most of my friends, and I contemplated the idea of suicide. I kept reaching out to folks only to discover that no one would help me, and somewhere along the way, I discovered the answer to the Fermi Paradox.
I know why there are no great alien civilizations. I know exactly what the great filter is. Suffice to say, you can boil it down to ignorance, greed, and selfishness. All signs that a lifeform is supremely un-intelligent.
Shortly after realizing the knowledge I'd gained, I set about thinking on how I could share this insight with those around me. And without warning, I get on social media. I tune into the news, and I hear there are reports of an unknown virus making its way through China.
Within weeks, this novel and extremely deadly Coronavirus traveled across the globe, infecting thousands and killing hundreds. . .
There was a movie about this, once.
Contagion.
I never saw it, but when it came out back in 2011, I would have sworn we made a big fuss about understanding the dangers of a biological threat and the need for proactive safety measures. I could have sworn the USA said that if there were a pandemic, it would be a crises because America would use the latest technology, science, and data available to eliminate any threat. I even wanna say there was a bunch of feel good commercials made about it, or at the very least, there was talk about America's perceived "preparedness" on television.
Not just that. There was the movie Rise of the Planet of the Apes staring James Franco. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the ending, didn't some guy who was infected with a virus get on a plane? Then the movie cut to an animated visual depicting just how quickly the virus went on to infect multiple locations due to air travel?
Point is, the moment there was a new virus and we all gawked instead of realizing it was going to spread, was the moment we all f**ked up.
Thus we entered the Stupidity Apocalypse.
Part of why the virus initially spread so quickly was because it used our nursing homes (filled with our most vulnerable) as kindling. The problems with nursing homes in America are vast, most of them stem from being understaffed and underserved. These are issues we have been aware of but neglected for decades, and I'm almost willing to bet at a certain point, there just wasn't enough staff, attention, nor care available to even assess or notice that our elderly were being attacked.
In fact, much of the pandemic panic didn't really set in until the virus started affecting normal, healthy folk. When the average citizen went, "Oh, shit! I might actually suffer and get pneumonia and possibly die!"
And let's be clear. Covid-19 was devastating because it caused pneumonia and respiratory distress . . . even though Influenza causes pneumonia. Pneumocystis Jirovecii causes pneumonia. Pneumococcal pneumonia causes pneumonia. COPD can lead to pneumonia. So can heart disease, kidney disease, liver disease, vascular disease, and even cancer.
Aspiration of food or other caustic substances can cause pneumonia. So can inhalation of debris (think coal dust from mining or the particulate from factory work).
A whole lot of things can cause pneumonia, and if you were to gather the statistics, you'd see that close to 1 million people (50,000 in the US) die from pneumonia each year. And much of that is likely preventable. Yet, all I could hear at the start of this pandemic was how nobody really cared about the suffering pneumonia caused. Not once did we acknowledge how widespread and ubiquitous the condition actually is. The headlines were all about the poor souls affected by Covid and how serious their health was.
Eventually, we were asked to stay at home, and eventually, we (especially folks within the media) started harassing and making fun of those who violated the early lockdown orders.
But, let's pause to analyze that, for a second.
We live in a culture where most Americans don't have enough savings to handle a life crises and are living paycheck to paycheck. Which sort of implies you have to earn your paycheck. You have to show up for work. Many companies do have an oral policy urging workers to stay home if they are feeling unwell. And considering the massive legal teams some companies hire, I'm sure there is an accompanying written policy buried in a handbook somewhere.
But what do you do when the standard operating procedure is, "if you don't show up for work, you're fired!"?
I've had a job like that. Three absences in a rolling calendar year, regardless of the circumstance, meant you were instantly terminated. And it wasn't that easy to adjust or get access to PPE (personal protective equipment, i.e. face masks) in the beginning.
This doesn't even tackle the issue of the self-employed or the hustler who has to go out and earn their money on a daily basis to make a living.
Next, there's the issue of social distancing and the violation of civic responsibility for those that were seen out in public with no mask. I saw s many touting their masks and sitting all high and mighty on their high horse when the pandemic first started. But not a single soul acknowledge the fact that America waited until a pandemic to make an attempt to be responsible. No one acknowledged that we have a flu season EVERY year.
EVERY YEAR there are literally millions of preventable flu infections, millions of hospital visits, millions of dollars wasted, and thousands of deaths, all outcomes that could have been prevented had Americans bothered to use masks, socially distance, and wash their hands before now. This is a simple practice that other, more developed countries, cultures, and societies have been following for years, and it's likely a huge part of why they've had a better overall handle of this pandemic.
But in America, this conversation, this acknowledgment, this chance to think and do better, never happened. Another opportunity shrouded by the stupid.
We then went through several months of folks blaming the government because others couldn't stay inside. We went through several months of folks blaming the government for the misinformation, although no one was trying all that hard to educate. And we also went through several months talking about how difficult it was for our frontline workers and our first responders.
We showed how overworked our hospitals were, how tired the staff was, and how we were running out of beds. But we never did mention that, even prior to Covid, our hospitals were already scheduled to have an increased occupancy thanks to the season flu.
You know, that things that's totally preventable.
We didn't mention that a good portion of why we are in this mess today is because the healthcare system has neglected to spend the past few years educating the masses.
To this day, there is rampant misinformation about vaccines, about diseases and the cause of sickness, and most people don't seem to have any real grasp of biology, pathology, or pathogenesis. So it's no wonder there was such a hard time getting the public to trust the science when the public lacked the education to even realize they needed to be trusting.
Why is why I find the conversation about vaccines so darn hilarious.
Of course there was no antiviral created to effectively treat Covid. Let's face it. Pharmaceutical companies increasingly spend more of their money on marketing and advertising, trying to get the name of their drug or the idea that it will help into your mind so you will know to look for it and ask your physician to prescribe it.
Yes, these companies do engage in research and development. But if you were to take a look at all the drugs we have and order them based on drug class and category, what you'd likely find is that most drug companies spend most of their efforts studying an already well-known compound (likely one they created). They tweak the drug a bit to produce slightly less side effects that are "statistically significant" without necessarily being beneficial. Or they find a new way to administer the drug or a way to increase its therapeutic length. All changes that allow them to renew their patent and charge a f**K ton of money for the 'new' development.
Not much interest is paid to creating completely new treatments, and I doubt drug companies have the incentive or the expertise for that. Your best bet for truly remarkable, breakthrough science lies with the creative and bright minds of PHd and Masters students who would love to engage in independent, discovery driven research at our universities and colleges. But do to a lack of government grants and the general disinterest in education that has swept the nation (plus higher education's increasing reliance on wealthy benefactors and athletic income), I don't think there's going to be a pill to treat covid anytime soon.
And I have to add this. While I was on Instagram and Facebook, I saw A LOT of memes and messages going around from nurses depicting what it was like being in an ICU hooked up to a ventilator. The consensus was, living with a mask is nothing compared to how you will be treated in the hospital, and I damn near lost my mind.
For starters, before I was drop kicked on my ass onto the outskirts of society, I was a nurse. I worked in a Long Term Acute Care Hospital. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a facility that specializes in treating patient whose condition (either acute, chronic, or both) will necessitate a longer length of stay.
Your average patient in an acute hospital--think any Methodist or Memorial Hermann. Rather, think 'any time you to go the ER', because Emergency Rooms are typically the main access point to hospital care. When you're admitted, assuming your condition warrants is, you become an 'inpatient' in the Acute care setting. The typical length of stay can be anywhere between 2-5 days. After which time, you are discharged.
This does depend on your diagnosis, as in the reason you were admitted. Insurance companies pay a set amount based on your primary diagnosis, and that covers expenses for a set number of days, meaning it is pretty much expected that you will be discharged and tasked with managing your own care. That's exactly why we hand you those discharge packets fill of instructions that most never even bother to read. (And why would you? It's boring, it's uninspired, and mostly, it just tells you a bunch of facts and rationales without actually teaching you anything).
Anyway, let's assume that the reason you were admitted to the hospital is because you had a heart attack. But because of your poor diet, lack of exercise, and noncompliance with your blood pressure medication because you only take it when you feel like your pressure is high . . . Let's assume all of this and let's say that your heart attack was pre-scheduled. Meaning, you were diagnosed with heart failure some odd years ago, you have been getting treated for it, but overtime your body has decompensated. The vascular damage has accumulated. It's mostly remained hidden because the doctor is expensive, you haven't been going to your primary to complain, and thus you weren't referred for a screening exam.
No medical professional was looking to tell you that you were on your way to a massive heart attack. One that would provide inadequate profusion for such a long period of time that it caused irreparable damage to your brain from lack of oxygen.
You aren't getting out of the hospital anytime soon. You might stay in the ICU for a week. Maybe two or three. But when you are stable, you will be transferred to a more appropriate facility, one where you will 'theoretically' be supplied with a sort of built-in therapy service. You might stay at this facility, depending on how well it takes you to improve and what that quality of improvement looks like, anywhere from a few weeks, to a few months, to a few years.
That's the sort of facility I worked at.
We took care of patient with heart failure, strokes, kidney disease, and end stage lung disease, and basically, I know a thing or two about caring for patients on a ventilator.
No. Ventilators are not comfortable. And I don't just mean from a 'having to be on one' perspective. Having a tube down your throat, having a machine force air into your lungs, being hooked onto monitors and hearing beeps and lights and alarms and now knowing which one of those means you're about to suddenly feel like you can't breathe and. . . . None of that is fun.
Then having some air-head nurse come in and look at you like you're panicking, then take her sweet ass time getting a respiratory therapist because she can't be bothered to suction your herself, and waiting for a respiratory therapist to come and slide a plastic catheter down your throat, literally suck the air from your lungs just so you can cough up some mucous before they give you a breathing treatment--All of that when the entire time you might have just been anxious, and a single shot of Ativan or that nurse just paying attention or better yet, staying with you, talking to you, and suctioning you herself when she hear you cough a bit earlier when she was passing her meds, but she was too busy at the time. . .
None of that is fun, but that's the reality I dealt with every time I went to work. If you actually knew what it was like being stuck in the hospital, you'd know that getting well can be a lonely and extremely unpleasant experience. And it's sad to me that here we are, in the middle of a pandemic and previously undiagnosed stupidity Apocalypse, and we are literally using healthcare as a threat in order to get people to stay home.
What the actual F**K?
Anyway, that's how we came to rely on a vaccine.
Folks were arguing because Donald Trump was being too optimistic touting BS medical trials and over-promising on medications. When that didn't pan out, everyone (and I mostly mean everyone on the news and on Capitol Hill) began putting their stock in a vaccine to fix Covid.
The second people started talking about a vaccine, however, my mind was like, "So what? Who's going to take it? And how are you going to convince them?
Watching the political back and forth during the Trump presidency, I witnessed how tribal and polarized the conversations surrounding vaccinations and healthcare have become. It seems like a lot of Republicans didn't really believe the science that vaccines work. Either that, or they think their kid won't get a disease. And if their kid does get sick, as long as they end up being fine, who cares if they pass it on to a more vulnerable population?
I'm speculating on this, but this is the argument I most often see posed by those on the Democratic side.
That said, a lot Democrats don't really believe in vaccines, either. A large portion, aka the vocal minority who talks the most, screams the loudest, and therefore gets the most attention (basically those Democrats who love calling Republicans stupid), assuming they don't use the excuse of not having access to healthcare, they likely get vaccinated. Passively, too. I mean, if you work in certain career fields, your job might even offer free annual immunizations. These careers tend to lean more Democratic. The jobs Republicans typically work might not offer immunizations, so that might be another reason Republicans lean more towards pro choice?
Point is, A LOT of America doesn't actually believe in vaccinations. This is pretty interesting because it has more to do with profound lack of understanding and trust than anything else.
Despite vaccines having data to back their effectiveness, despite the fact that humanity eradicated small pox from the face of the Earth using vaccines, and despite the logic that if you completely rid yourself of a virus by vaccinating everyone and everything against it such that the virus has no natural host and can therefore no longer exist. . .
Despite all of that, the average person doesn't really comprehend the need for a vaccination because hey, even thought we have a flu vaccine and they tell you to get that every year, the flu is still a around.
Actually, wait a minute. How come I have to get the flu vaccine ever year? It must not be effective since all of those other vaccines only need one shot to work. But I'm supposed to get the flu shot EVERY year? Pass!! I heard the flu shot can make you sick, anyway. And what's the point in getting it if I might still get the flu? No, I think I'll wait until they actually know what they are doing with those vaccines. But even then, I've never had the flu. And nobody gets those other diseases anymore unless there's an outbreak. If only those people were more careful, we wouldn't be having all these viruses!
So, I don't really have to do anything. Like, I'm okay with the flu vaccine, and I think everyone should get it if these companies ever figure out what their doing. But if I don't get one, that's fine. Them Republicans though, how dare they! At least I WOULD get vaccinated if I had the chance. But those Republicans making a fuss talking about, "I don't think the government should be able to tell me what to do with my body and with my child!"
Just like they be tryna tell females what they can do with their uterus.
You see?
Either way it goes, everyone has some reason why they don't want to get vaccinated, and that's why American's vaccination rates have been decreasing over time. this wasn't helped when every single morning show was inviting celebrities to spout misinformation about vaccines, linking them to autism a decade ago when that particular wave of stupidity hit.
Or do you not remember?
I mean, seriously. It was on talk shows. Morning shows. Radio. The news. Everywhere! And we were all just laughing and calling people idiots at the time saying how dumb could they be? All the while we saw just how many people were willing to follow just because someone famous told them to. We saw how easily people's opinions could be swayed, and I'm sure the medical community squeaked out a poot just to say all the lies around vaccines stank.
In fact, I knew they did. In regards to the paper linking vaccines to Autism, that study was proven to be flawed, and the medical community went on record saying vaccines were safe and effective. If you go back and look, there might've even been talk about re-enforcing or re-educating the public about vaccine guidelines. But that was it.
A whole lot of stupid has been tossed around since then, and the general population is still incredibly ignorant. As much as I would like to blame the government for this, I'm putting this squarely on the shoulders of healthcare. On every single doctor, nurse, healthcare administrator, or whoever had the opportunity to speak to the media and not once did they think to start a campaign to combat the massive amount of medical unintelligence I just described.
So who cares about a vaccine when I could have told you last year that half the country wouldn't even want to get it?
This has something to do with the cognitive dilemmas I laid out, but it also has to do with plan logistics. I mean, as contagious as the Covid-19 was/is, and as quickly as it was/is mutating, you'd want to make sure that any countermeasures you had were absolute. You'd want to eliminate it, basically. And if you only available weapon was a vaccine, you'd need everyone to theoretically be vaccinated.
In order for that to happen, you know you'd have to make vaccinations mandatory. Even IF the coronavirus was a deadly-flesh-eating-monster-forming-mutant-machine of a virus, people wouldn't voluntarily get a vaccine because people are hard-headed, and it's obvious if you've been paying attention to society. At one point, I even saw a news headline saying only 30% of Americans said they would get the vaccine when it became commercially available.
That should have woken everyone up. But it didn't. This is exactly why the government, the medical profession, and the media should have done more to actually educate folks about the science. And I’m literally talking about the science. Like, have an animated model and a YouTube professor or someone talking about the chemistry, how the molecules in the body interact, and how every little component in a vaccine comes together in order to produce a freaking vaccine that works.
Had any of that been done at the start of Corona, we might not be as far behind as we are now.
So yeah, our only hope for getting back to normal is with a vaccine that nobody wants to take. And now that it's out and I’ve had a chance to peek at the science, and I’m honestly impressed. Mostly because it is a new technology. But we are still having problems with the roll out.
I know everyone was blaming that on the in-effective Trump government. But A) government is made up of much, much more than just one person, and B) one of the first things that pissed me off about the government (and all of America for that matter) is the fact that we even thought we had a chance of resolving this crisis through a vaccinations.
In addition to the lack of trust and the general 'don’t f**kin give it to me' attitude we have surrounding vaccines, no one in government seemed to question how we'd effectively complete such a massive roll out in the first place. I mean, considering how effectively we can produce flu vaccines and yet there is no coordinated effort at mass vaccination. Considering there are preventable diseases all across the world, and a lot of these diseases in countries that would LOVE to have access to a vaccines as part of humanitarian aid.
Considering there has been no real practice and no real giving a damn about how you'd distribute a theoretically mandatory vaccine to literally millions of people in a small enough time frame for it to actually make a difference. . . . These are things you should have been thinking about when COVID first happened. Hell, these are things that should have been in place PRIOR to Covid.
I thought about this in what, May? June? And I was miffed I didn’t hear anybody else asking these questions, nor did I hear anyone offering up answers. And I mean answers in terms of, "Explain to me how the you did all the shit I said you did, and now you’re going to try and convince me that you know what you’re doing, even though you don’t even seem to understand that everything you did is the exact reason why where in this mess . . . "
Ugh, whatever.
It was obvious the vaccines roll-out was going to be a challenge. And I know Biden and Kamala have a “plan” to fix that, but I haven’t heard what the plan is to deal with my following concerns.
First, it concerns me that the CDC is counting on herd immunity to protect is from future Covid infections. I forgot what the exact number is to achieve herd immunity, but I want to say it's when 70% of the population is vaccinated. That’s been great for the CDC, because they’re thinking (and by thinking I mean planning) on only having to vaccinate half of the 70% they need in order to reach immunity.
Why? Well, the CDC said it will only have to do half the work, only have to reach 35% of the population, because the other 35% are just gonna get Covid. Covid comes with -10 breathing, -2 fatigue, and +10% chance of dying, but hey, you get bonus immunity from infections, so it works out.
Basically, America’s current tactic is, let’s hurry up and do half the work so that way we'll know all of the work is complete. ^ _ ^
America! How are you realistically going to achieve herd immunity when that is entirely dependent upon people getting a voluntary vaccine that they might not want to receive? Not just that, but why do you think that’s an achievable goal when we've been struggling to reach herd immunity against the viruses we already have vaccines for? And morbidly, what about the remaining 30%? You need to assume you don’t know who it will be or what sort of factors will influence their decision to be unvaccinated.
Hypothetically, what if the remaining 30%, the ones who are unvaccinated, what if they were all vulnerable? Through some mysterious circumstances, what if it turns out that if they catch Covid, they will get sick and die almost immediately before you ever get the chance to save them. And let’s assume that, for unknown reasons, the remaining 30% somehow find a way to connect each other, to keep the line of infectious transmission going. All of that is a creative metaphorical way of saying, let’s assume that they all just get Covid and expire. That’s a whole lot of people who are potentially at risk, and level of risk should never be a progressive society's goal.
Secondly, and this is going to be a two-parter, let’s say we fix America’s roll-out, and according to the government’s plan, we achieve heard immunity and everything’s back to normal by July. Well, that’s great for America, but some countries are having difficulties gaining access to a vaccine.
I read a news article the other day talking about the trouble South America has been having getting the vaccine. Fortunately for them, Russia has been able to provide some assistance. The Russian vaccine isn’t recommended by the CDC or the WHO or something like that, likely because Russia was being secret about their data. But Russia isn’t stupid. If you think Russia tampers with its data, that’s great because it means Russia doesn’t have to do anything but actually create an effective vaccine, and you did all the hard work of spying on your on un-intelligence about it.
I honestly don’t know if Russia’s vaccine is effective, or if it will be as effective as the vaccines America manufactures. But that really doesn’t matter. As long as it prevents Covid from spreading in Latin America, those countries are going to remember who helped them in the middle of a pandemic.
Russia has already achieved its goal of exerting power on the global stage, and to be frank, they didn’t really have to try all that hard. Not just that, but there’s more opportunity in it for them. Africa is another one of those places that's having trouble getting access to vaccines. I was reading another article literally today, and parts of Africa might not have access to a vaccine till 2022 or 2023. How much you wanna bet Russia knows this? How much you wanna bet Russia is going to help Africa with its supply problem? That’d be the first thing I’d do if I was an evil, mustache wearing, mustache twirling dictator who could only do things for the lolz.
And that’s what leads us down to point two. Part of what made Covid so tricky in the first place was just how quickly it was mutating, and it still is mutating. There are newer, deadlier strains cropping up in Africa, and you don’t know how many new strains will appear, what sort of mutations they will have, and how deadly the virus will become before you can get enough vaccines to halt its course.
That being said, so far our vaccines test out to be effective against a couple of different strains of the virus. But what happens when there’s a strain that the vaccine doesn’t grant immunity to? As long as it exists, it will inevitably spread. And if I have to remind you of why, go back and read the two movie titles I listed, and start reading this entire post again from there because obviously haven't been following with me.
If a new, resistant strain were to come over here to America, and we'd be right back in the same position . . . maybe. That’s another point of contention I have.
What does the CDC think is normal? What does anyone in government think is normal? I’m thinking of total eradication of the virus, but as it stands right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Covid just stuck around as part of our seasonal “flu” package. If that’s the case, it might not be so bad. The flu only kills what, thousands of people EACH year. Add a few thousand more deaths from Covid, and overtime, as long as we’re not in a pandemic anymore, who cares? (I do, because that means we’re still in the stupidity Apocalypse)
So let’s say Covid just sticks around and comes back every year. That’s all well and good until it mutates. And it will mutate into something that is likely extremely infectious and extremely deadly (because every time a virus mutates against a current vaccine, that’s what happens. That’s pretty much the only direction it can mutate in).
When that happens, depending on how infectious Covid ends up being, how lacks we’ve become with our ‘herd immunity’, and how much of a cluster f**k our response time ends up being, you’d be looking at a MASSIVE pandemic. Like, instantaneously MASSIVE. Because you won’t be expecting a thing, and the public will have gotten so used to Covid, there might not be enough fear to immediately modify behavior.
And this sort of failure and inability to respond to an infectious agent scares me because, look at how much fuss we kicked up about this virus being new. About it being novel.
Back when this first came, scientist new absolutely nothing about it . . . although they could tell you what it was called, what it looked like, what family of viral particle it was in, etc. Look at how the world responded to Covid, something that was previously ‘unknown’.
Problem is, there are actually viruses, bacteria, fungi, and other pathological agents out there that are genuinely unknown. Here’s the thing. There is region of our globe near the poles that remains cold year round. In that cold, frigid climate, there are patches of eco system that contain something called permafrost.
Permafrost is called that because the natural environmental conditions come together to make sure the ground remains permanently frozen.
For millions of years, life has been crawling all around the permafrost and just being life until one day, it up and dies. Not necessarily because it was hunted. Not even because it was wounded. It just died because it got an infection. And there it laid, on the cold, hard ground with its germs. And the ground was like, “Shit, baby you hot! Let me go on ahead a freeze you!”
And the ground does this. Really fast. Such to the point that, some things inside that dead body (like those organism causing the infection) don’t even have time to realize their dead. They flash freeze. Either that, or there’s just enough time for some crafty bacteria to make endospores. You can think of endospores as seeds. Bacterial seeds that are hella resistant to environmental changes. And just like a seed, an endospore will wait until conditions are right. Then it will bloom.
The conditions are right when humans get so greedy and stupid, they heat up the climate, start melting millions of years of permafrost, some lonely carcass gets unfrozen and accidentally discovered by some animal or some human. That bacteria that didn’t know it was dead comes back to life, and guess what? It has no competition.
It has no competition because that bacteria was frozen 2 million years ago. No one needed to develop an immune response to it, so as far as it's concerned, every single last one of you is fresh meat. And you will truly not know a thing about it until its already infected you and spread.
Talk about antibiotic resistance. Good luck trying to save people when you don’t know how to detect it, you don't know what kills it, and you don't know how it's transmitted or it's disease progression. I bring this up because it's one of the lesser known threats posed by climate change. I bring this up because last I checked, our scientists had already warned us that if we didn't change our behavior soon, we were going to cause positive feedback loop, and there'd be nothing we could do to stop it.
You might have more hope for the future than I do. Then again, I haven't talking about the economic impact of Covid. I haven't talked about the mental health crises it sparked. I haven't talked about the shocking number of students who failed to thrive with the switch to online learning, and I haven't talked about lingering ghosts of racism or the insurrection on the Capitol.
I've left so much out of this conversation, yet it's still long and I still have the nerve to call it an introduction.
It's hard to believe we might be facing the end of the world. Not when our society looks like this . . .? (This is the part where you look around ominously, and suddenly you realized it's ominous)
But unfortunately, all of the problems I can see really are baked into the cake of how we think about society and how we participate in our civilization. And as hopeful as people are for the future, no one seems to really believe that society can change.
So if you'll allow me, that's what I want to talk about with this story.
Life. How I learned to appreciate it so fiercely, and why I'm fighting to make it better.
Or at the very least, why I'm fighting to be heard and have my experiences acknowledged.
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A Guide to The Weeknd's Discography

Since The Weeknd is performing at the Super Bowl Halftime show, I thought it’d be nice to post a little guide to his discography for anyone interested in looking to do a deep dive into his work. I would’ve posted this the day of the event, but I assume that some people would probably like to go through it over the weekend.
This shares a direct overview of his released material, talking about his career and the background of the music, the videos, the meanings and all. I’ve written this from a pop perspective, keeping in mind that his history might be fairly new for general pop fans.
I also go into the storyline of the red suit character, if your interested in catching up on that narrative before the Halftime show (which will continue the story), I’ve listed the chronological order below followed by an explanation of that narrative.
I wanna be clear that the interpretations/theories are not conclusive. Abel rarely shares the metaphors or meanings behind his music. This is based on widely based on fan discussion/mutual interpretation. Fans can feel free to expand on anything in the comments.
It is important to know about Abel's backstory to get a certain perspective of where he’s coming from, especially when discussing the songs that deal with substance abuse. These recent articles cover his early years really well and share an up-to-date point of view of his success.
Variety 2020
Billboard 2021 - Also a good source for getting to know his team.
So, an essential TL;DR is this: Abel Tesfaye came from a broken home, he was born to Ethiopian immigrant parents who split up when Tesfaye was less than seven. He then lived with his mother and grandmother, only rarely seeing his father but having a nice impression of him. His drug addiction started as soon as he was a high schooler, he turned to shoplifting to pay for this need of various substances. Soon he dropped out of high school, leaving his home the same weekend, which would later inspire his stage name, The Weeknd. The name is reference/homage to the weekend his life changed.
Quick side note, I didn’t think this post would nearly reach the character limit. So I’ve cut out excess detail and lists of producers (with the exception of After Hours since we’re in that era).
Table of contents
  1. XO.
  2. House of Balloons.
  3. Thursday.
  4. Echoes of Silence.
  5. Trilogy.
  6. Kiss Land.
  7. King of the Fall.
  8. Beauty Behind The Madness.
  9. Starboy.
  10. My Dear Melancholy.
  11. After Hours.

XO.

XO is the record label that The Weeknd and co. created in order to publish the first mixtape (House of Balloons) and the ones that would follow afterwards. XO has a lot of meanings that have to do with what went into the music and what still goes into it. XO is what the fans call themselves, popularly with the phrase XO Till We OD (shortened to XOTWOD); another way of saying “we’re ride or die for The Weeknd and his team.”
While some argue that it could mean anything since there isn’t clear meaning to it, fans continue to associate the abbreviation with ecstasy (X) and oxycontin (O). That definition stems from XOTWOD, fans assume it’s true because of the team’s history of drug usage. While others take it as it’s classical definition “hugs and kisses” because of the consistent lyrical nature of The Weeknd’s songs.
Overtime the definition of XO is simply known as: the fans, the crew, and the label. The Weeknd is more than just one person, he comes with XO. For the sake of clarity in this writeup, I’m going to refer to his crew as XO and the fans as “the fans.”
XO still serves as a record label, the current roster is The Weeknd, Belly, Nav, and Black Atlass. It remains The Weeknd’s record label and was his first label before becoming a subsidiary of Republic Records.
Throughout his career, The Weeknd has worked with Illangelo, a Canadian producer who’s work the fans adore. Carlo “Illangelo” Montagnese was one of main the producers on The Weeknd’s Trilogy, he’s credited on each track. The fan base claims his work to be some of the most notable artistry in The Weeknd’s discography. Their work together continued with Beauty Behind The Madness, Illangelo worked on seven tracks for that album. He then returned for After Hours working on another seven tracks.
DaHeala, another Canadian producer, is another significant factor in The Weeknd’s music. Jason “DaHeala” Quenneville worked as lead producer on Kiss Land. He returned to work on six tracks for The Weeknd’s Beauty Behind The Madness, including the hit Earned It. DaHeala returned as a writer for six of the songs on Starboy. Then DaHeala worked on nine After Hours tracks, and worked as the only producewriter alongside The Weeknd for bonus tracks Missed You and Final Lullaby.

House of Balloons.

Didn't wanna make this NSFW, so here's the super clean edited cover
This is a happy house. We’re happy here. (House of Balloons/Glass Table Girls)
One of the most iconic title tracks of all time. House of Balloons is about a lifestyle of drugs, sex, and partying; all in effort to drown out self-doubt. It comes from a place of wanting to make it big while doing what you can to survive, all while pretending everything’s alright. The mixtape describes various sorts of women, how they’ve had impacted the life of someone who’s already down on his luck.
Fans often refer to House of Balloons as The Weeknd’s best work. The mixtape was the first introduction the world got of XO, and it was one hell of a way to make an impression. It’s personal for the fans and Abel because it’s the only piece of work known to be based on his life. At the end of the day he’s a songwriter, with many of his albums he creates scenarios and world that he likes to explore through the music. But House of Balloons is known to be based entirely on his life. It remains The Weeknd’s most critically acclaimed work.
House of Balloons was crafted through the influences of Hip-Hip/Indie-Rock with the main focus on R&B. Through the genius of Ilangelo, the record was—and is—mesmerizing capturing the essence of a lifestyle that The Weeknd described as “anti-everything.”
House of Balloons assisted The Weeknd in gaining the attention of Republic Records, which would then host The Weeknd’s own label XO. Though hesitant at first, XO decided to partner with Republic after the co-founding brothers Monte and Avery Lipman kept coming back to Toronto solely for The Weeknd.
House of Balloons received three videos, The Knowing, Wicked Games and Twenty Eight. The Knowing was the very first video The Weeknd made, so of course it’d be something other-worldly; it essentially reflects the song itself but in a sci-fi setting. Twenty Eight represents Abel’s life after fame but also his remorse of letting captivating women into his life.
Fun fact— House of Balloons is an actual place in Toronto, it was where him and his crew lived after he dropped out of high school. They’d host parties, call girls, do drugs, and to make it less depressing they’d fill it with balloons.

Thursday.

Valerie on the cover
Welcome to the other side. (Life of the Party)
Thursday consists of the same themes as HoB; sex and drugs. But there’s a twist, he’s in a semi-relationship with this girl Valerie. She’s the only one on his mind, even though they meet only one day of the week, any guesses on what day that could be? Through The Weeknd’s phenomenal voice and the insane production, we’re also presented with this story of a toxic relationship where Valerie used to have the upper hand but she no longer does when she falls for The Weeknd.
While Thursday isn’t entirely about the relationship of The Weeknd and Valerie, it consists of reflections to Abel’s life after the release of House of Balloons. The song Rolling Stone notably has a double meaning, in which Abel asks his fans if they’ll stick with him when he gets mainstream appeal and decides to change his sound.
The track Valerie wasn’t on the original release of Thursday, it added when Trilogy was released. Ending the mixtape with Heaven or Las Vegas meant that The Weeknd’s actions with and without Valerie were a result of his fatherless childhood, making him push anyone away. That meaning behind Thursday doesn’t change when Valerie is added to the track list, it just means that both want the toxic relationship back.
The Zone (feat. Drake) was the first feature The Weeknd had on any of his work, the video for it was released in November of 2012. Rolling Stone had also received a video in October of 2012. Both were directed by The Weeknd and reflect the two different aspects of Thursday. The Zone has Valerie living it up in the House of Balloons. And Rolling Stone has The Weeknd doing a photoshoot for Trilogy, reflective of the song itself.
Fun Fact— the female voice heard in Lonely Star is The Weeknd’s, he pitched his voice to make it sound like a woman’s.

Echoes of Silence.

Diana on the cover
Laisse tomber les filles. Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera. [Leave the girls alone. One day it’ll be you they will leave.] (Montreal)
Out of a dark introductory into the early life of The Weeknd, Echoes of Silence is the darkest work of his Trilogy. Let’s be honest the story here isn’t entirely ethical at times but makes for one hell of a mixtape.
Similar to Thursday, Echoes of Silence follows a storyline. After accumulating success, The Weeknd gains the attention of various women. There was this one woman (D.D.) who he liked but she initially rejected him (Montreal). The woman came back to him for his fame status and evidently fell in love with him (Outside), but now that he’s got the upper hand he treats him like a groupie (XO/The Host) and lets... bad things happen to her; she’s gotta pass a test before she can get with him. This test is either drugs or his crew (Initiation). He ultimately tells this woman that he’s not exactly longterm-relationship material, perhaps because her love is temporary (Same Old Song), because he’s Next. With the end of Echoes of Silence (originally ending on the title track) the listener is left to wonder why The Weeknd left her if he’d simply want her to stay.
As a side note— Initiation should not be condoned. It remains true that The Weeknd is a songwriter and the progression of time has changed perspectives. But a song that makes such suggestions as Initiation should not be ethically/morally claimed or celebrated.
The mixtape follows The Weeknd’s lifestyle after he’s gained all this success, he’s still the same person but now he’s gotten everything he wanted. Some tracks such as The Fall continue to emphasize his journey into stardom and his acceptance of fame being temporary. With the added Till Dawn (Here Comes The Sun), The Weeknd acknowledges the changes in his life, realizing that the old lifestyle is no longer there for him or his past lovers.
Echoes of Silence is known as an underrated gem of The Weeknd’s discography, it’s well received by fans and critically acclaimed but often brushed under the rug in discussion of his work. A lot of fans and casual listeners play the mixtapes through Trilogy rather than their respective albums. This often leads to people not playing EoS either at all or only the first few tracks, this is predominantly due to the nature of the compilation being nearly three hours long.
Fun fact— D.D. is a cover of Michael Jackson’s iconic Dirty Diana. Fans have named the woman in Echoes of Silence Diana because of this track. Various theories argue that the mixtape itself is based on the Dirty Diana itself with exaggerations of the truth, or whether or not it’s a story The Weeknd crafted based on the song.

Trilogy.

Rolling Stone video doubled as a shoot
You don’t know what’s in store. (High For This.)
Trilogy is a compilation of The Weeknd’s mixtapes, House of Balloons, Thursday, and Echoes of Silence. These three mixtapes were released 3-4 months apart from one another for free digital download in 2011, they gained quite a lot of attention from various industry executives.
Prior to the release of Trilogy, The Weeknd featured on Drake’s Take Care with Crew Love. The song was Abel’s first exposure to a Rap crowd/Rap fans, more people began listening to his music after the release of Take Care. The Weeknd then featured on Wiz Khalifa’s Remember You, which served as the second single off Wiz Khalifa’s O.N.I.F.C. Following those two releases, The Weeknd released Wicked Games as the first single off Trilogy.
Trilogy was formed after The Weeknd came under Republic Records’ management. The compilation album reached a debut/peak position of 4 on the Billboard 200 while reaching number one on the US Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart. It’s a well received album with the highlight said to be House of Balloons, which arguably went on to influence various sorts of R&B music of the 2010s.
Videos for Trilogy

Kiss Land.

Iconic
I went from starin' at the same four walls for 21 years. To seein' the whole world in just 12 months. (Kiss Land)
Kiss Land is based on The Weeknd’s tour life. Visiting unfamiliar places gave Abel horror movie vibes. A guy who used to own the city (Toronto) he lived in is now a small fish in the ocean of the entire world. The Weeknd’s first studio album was a great introduction into the sound he would soon get well acquainted with.
While continuing the R&B sound with the essence of Dark Wave, the album explores emptiness and regret throughout the lyrics—or what pop fans could categorize as dark pop—. The Japanese aesthetic used for various videos and the single covers/booklet reflects the themes of feeling overwhelmed by such a loud world that there’s no point in being if you don’t belong.
The album explores the real-world and the women in it as well as regrets regarding past actions, namely letting go of women who could’ve been the one in Adaptation. The Weeknd attempts to find that satisfaction in other women and past lovers, but accidentally falls for a sex worker in Belong To The World. With Wanderlust he accepts and expresses that love in the modern world isn’t entirely possible. While continuing to tour the world he enjoys these new experiences with XO (Live For feat. Drake), as well as the new women in his life (Kiss Land). And when he’s back home, he accepts the loss of the relationship he cherished.
Kiss Land debuted and peaked at number two on the Billboard 200. It was fairly acclaimed but gained a massive cult following. There were four videos for made for the album, the title track, Belong To the World, Live For (feat. Drake), and Pretty. Those four songs received interesting visuals that kept up with their respective themes while Belong To the World/Kiss Land got visuals that matched the aesthetic of the album. To this day fans ask Abel for a part two to the horror-movie-inspired album after he said it’s the only album he would have a sequel for.
Videos for Kiss Land
Fun Fact— The video for Kiss Land on YouTube is an extremely edited version of the actual video shot for the song. The directors cut further explores the erotic-horror themes if the album.

King of the Fall.

King of the Fall 2020 cover (even though I talk about three other songs here)
Driving by the streets we used to walk through like a triumph. (King of the Fall)
These next few song were released between the Kiss Land and Beauty Behind the Madness era. Some fans would classify them as part of the Beauty Behind the Madness era—I’d say the same tbh—but they stand apart on the basis of success and acclaim. It’s a transition between The Weeknd being an underrated R&B musician to being a mainstream artist with massive recognition and appreciation.
The first of these four songs is King of the Fall. A fan favourite and a standout in The Weeknd’s discography. This is one of The Weeknd’s few Rap tracks, it gained a lot of attention within the Rap sphere. It was the way in which XO would announce that they’ve made it, little did they know that this was just the start.
Prior to the release of Beauty Behind the Madness (BBTM), The Weeknd gained mainstream attention. The Weeknd’s exposure to mainstream music was uphill, it wasn’t overnight. The first taste of BBTM came from Often, a song that reflected the themes of sex that Abel was known for. The track was released more than a year before BBTM’s release and had made it onto the trackless unlike King of the Fall. Slowly but surely The Weeknd gained exposure, his main sources of exposure were through a collaboration and a soundtrack.
Most pop fans heard about The Weeknd through his hit collaboration with Ariana Grande, Love Me Harder. The collab was made through Republic when The Weeknd said he wanted more than what he had gotten through Kiss Land. Ariana and Abel had formed a real bond cough The Hills cough, their bond assisted the song in becoming a memorable hit for both artists. Love Me Harder was a top ten hit on the Billboard Hot 100.
Later that year, The Weeknd was featured on the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack with Earned It, as well as Where You Belong. Earned It became a massive hit peaking at 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 and receiving an Oscar nomination for The Weeknd; a massive milestone for XO. Earned It kept up with Abel’s signature lyrics but the production differed heavily from the sort of R&B he was known for.
Videos from that era

Beauty Behind the Madness.

I can hear this image
I'm that ***** with the hair singin' 'bout poppin' pills, fuckin' bitches, livin' life so trill. (Tell Your Friends)
Following the success of Love Me Harder and Earned It, the Beauty Behind the Madness era began with The Hills. This was The Weeknd’s first number one on the Billboard Hot 100. Along with the video, The Hills became an addictive classic. The production and lyrics mirror a mature version of the sound that was originally found on Trilogy. It was truly in keeping with The Weeknd’s character, the only difference was his haircut.
Next came Can’t Feel My Face, a Max Martin production that differed greatly from anything The Weeknd put out in the past. In past songs, Abel had expressed his fear of losing his following if he went mainstream simultaneously asking his fans if they’d stay. He repeats that sentiment in the Can’t Feel My Face video. The sound has changed, the lyrics stay the same but now he’s a pop-star. The song became a hit as it reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100. With this massive bop previous fans still stayed, The Weeknd becoming a pop singer didn’t at all alter his image or sound; he mastered it.
In The Night and Acquainted were released as singles on the same day, the were the only singles to come after the release of Beauty Behind The Madness. The former received a music video treatment that followed the theme of the song itself while also starring Abel’s girlfriend at the time, Bella Hadid. Acquainted was robbed of a video even though Abel had shown off the fact that a video was in development; the song kept in the tone of The Weeknd’s work prior to BBTM.
Beauty Behind the Madness captures a Hollywood-based reality that The Weeknd came to understand: the dark aspects of your life will continue to follow you wherever you are. Real Life, Losers (feat. Labrinth), Tell Your Friends, Dark Times (feat. Ed Sheeran), and Prisoner (feat. Lana Del Rey) all capture a nihilistic view of a dream achieved.
Most of the videos of Beauty Behind The Madness have a mysterious white man. He’s featured in The Hills, Can’t Feel My Face, and Tell Your Friends. That man represents the devil. Throughout his journey in those videos, (The Hills) Abel runs into the devil after his car crash, (Can’t Feel My Face) he’s at the club then lights him on fire. The significance behind the fire could be selling his soul to the devil, BBTM is about Hollywood and a popular Hollywood myth is that celebrities sell their souls to the devil in exchange for fame. So in the Can’t Feel My Face video, Abel changes his sound to Pop (from R&B) thus leaving his signature sound in order to become famous, everyone starts enjoying his music once he’s sold his soul.
Then we see The Weeknd burying himself in Tell Your Friends, perhaps leaving the old Abel behind after the deal with the devil. However, instead of thanking the devil, Abel takes his revenge and shoots him. But wait, there’s more! The album trailer for BBTM features the devil burning a billboard with The Weeknd’s face on it, revealing Beauty Behind The Madness. HOWEVER, the final cut for the video features the devil being arrested while The Weeknd watches. This is a more realistic form of karma that the devil gets.
Videos for BBTM

Starboy.

Filled with bops
If I could, I'd trade it all, trade it for a halo. And she said that she'll pray for me, I said, "It's too late for me.” (Ordinary Life)
After the massive success of Beauty Behind the Madness, there was a lot of hype around what The Weeknd would do next; evidently he decided to explore Pop. The fandom he had gained wasn’t entirely based in the Pop sphere, his fans consisted of general Rap fans, but Starboy attracted the Pop audience.
Initially, most of his older fans couldn’t get behind Starboy, it differed greatly from the previous sound. It was crazy to think that the guy who made Trilogy managed to make such a Pop-centric album. But this was Abel expressing his versatility.
Since this is where most pop fans found out about Abel’s work and became fans I won’t talk too much about the singles, rather more about the album itself. His work with Daft Punk cemented this album in an efficient mix between Pop and R&B, where Beauty Behind the Madness was more R&B with Pop, Starboy was considered Pop with R&B.
Beyond the genres, Starboy explores two evident themes. One being his life with fame and recognition. The next being his love life in Hollywood, this aspect of the album came from his relationship with Bella Hadid which ended after the release of the album.
The cross became the symbol for that era and appeared in the album’s photoshoot as well as the videos. There was never any conclusive word on the use of the cross but there are various theories about it, something to note is that Abel was raised Christian, it could perhaps be a reflection of his past.
The cross he uses to destroy his accolades (Starboy video) is assisting him rather than something that’s holding him back. Abel’s upbringing was rough but now he’s celebrating it rather than feeling bad for himself. The cross continues to come up in the Party Monster video, this time it’s in the party house he’s making his way through. Then it shows up in the video for Reminder, this time in the form of his merch, the people wearing it are perhaps representative of his fans. Then we see it in the False Alarm video, both Abel and the girl are wearing it; the notable thing being that Abel holds his cross up before dying. Then in the brilliant video for Secrets, after giving up on the girl he’s with he leaves the building to find a giant cross. And finally in the I Feel It Coming video, The Weeknd sports a shiny cross necklace, and Daft Punk find it years and years after Abel froze.
The videos tell us that the cross is an evident piece of his story. This could mean that his past will always be with him, no matter what sort of fame he’s experiencing he’ll always be who he once was.
Also, I’m gonna take this moment to once again the genius that is the Secrets (both the song and the video). Yes it’s my favourite song/video off of Starboy but it’s so underrated.
Videos for Starboy, Secrets video bottom right
Fun Fact— Most demos of the tracks on Starboy weren’t as pop as they became, they started off R&B but became pop after production.

My Dear Melancholy.

Note the comma
They said our love is just a game, I don't care what they say. But I'ma drink the pain away, I'll be back to my old ways. (Privilege)
Oof (but in a good way, this whole thing is a bop). For this one I’m gonna talk extensively about The Weeknd’s relationships, which personally feels really invasive but it’s but it’s essential when talking about these sad boy anthems. Beyond that I’d just like to state that though they are part of the narrative both Bella Hadid and Selena Gomez deserve respect/privacy.
So when it comes to Pop music fans I think it’s safe to say that we all know a lot about this one. My Dear Melancholy (MDM) came after the very public relationship of The Weeknd and Selena Gomez. However it’s not just about Selena, some songs reflect his relationship with Bella Hadid (whom he got back with a month after MDM’s release).
My Dear Melancholy consists with The Weeknd’s exploration/mastery of merging Pop and R&B together. The EP was praised by fans for its lyrics and production, many went on to theorize that it was his most personal project since House of Balloons. The EP was the shortest album to reach number one on the Billboard 200.
My Dear Melancholy and fan conspiracies; name a better duo. The first theory being that the EP is entirely about Selena Gomez which wasn’t too much of a mystery since the lyric “I almost cut a piece of myself for your life” exists. Not only did MDM come after Abel’s relationship with Selena Gomez but also after his relationship with Bella Hadid. As far as fans were aware those two relationships were the most important relationships Abel had ever been in.
In theory, the songs about Bella and Selena can be categorized. Call Out My Name, Try Me, and Privilege are likely about Selena. Wasted Times, and Hurt You are likely about Bella. Leaving I Was Never There to act as an introspective look into The Weeknd’s life, basically making him hop back on his vices for comfort.
Another popular theory was that My Dear Melancholy was the first of another trilogy. This rumour was widely believed due to the comma at the end of the title on the album cover. But the fans soon gained a real reason to believe this theory, since the CEO of XO (the record label), Sal had liked an Instagram post that featured the cover and alleged date. Since Trilogy is a fan favourite this conspiracy spread like wild fire, so much so that fake titles and covers were made. The name of this trilogy would be: (1)My Dear Melancholy, (2)We’re Alone Together, (3)Abel.
Only one song served as a single for the EP. Call Out My Name was released nearly two months prior to the actual release of the album, it debuted/peaked at number four on the Billboard Hot 100. The mysterious video captures The Weeknd in various atmospheric places that reflect the tone of the EP, a haunting yet unexplained reality that the listener is to reflect on.
From the cover, to the music, to the video, to lyrics, My Dear Melancholy is an introspective reflection of heartbreak.
Call out my name video

After Hours.

Talented, Brilliant, Incredible, etc.
My darkest hours. (After Hours)
After Hours comes after success but references two lows in The Weeknd’s life. The album welcomes darkness and leads the listener towards a dead-end. The Weeknd’s past two albums (Beauty Behind The Madness and Starboy) ended on hopeful notes, they left the listener with a sense of hope but all hope his lost with After Hours.
Fans compare After Hours to House of Balloons—a rare occurrence considering House of Balloons’ acclaim—arguing that both albums are on the same level. Debate continues on whether or not both albums are on the same caliber. The belief that After Hours stems from reality does a lot to help its side of the argument.
The era began with Mercedes-Benz commercial that featured Blinding Lights, that was our first taste of the everlasting bop. Heartless was premiered on an episode of Memento Mori hours before its release on the 27 of November (2019), Blinding Lights was released two days later. Both videos were as brain melting as promised and the served as the tip of the iceberg.
After Hours was released nine days after COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, there was a massive risk in releasing an album that would not have a lot of promotion after it’s release (other than magazine coverage). There was no telling whether or not people would pay attention to the album during the height of the fear surrounding the pandemic, but it was a massive success. After Hours debuted at number one on the Billboard 200, with singles Heartless and Blinding Lights topping the Billboard Hot 100.
The album is layered with haunting productions that remains predominantly R&B but dives deep into Pop with some of the tracks. Max Martin produced the massive hit Blinding Lights as well as In Your Eyes, Save Your Tears, Hardest to Love, and Scared to Live which samples Elton John’s Your Song. Other notable producers include Metro Boomin who worked on the hit Heartless as well as Escape from LA, Faith, and Until I Bleed Out. With Kevin Parker on the interlude Repeat After Me.
Beyond the production are the narrative driven lyrics. In theory the album references two significant events in Abel’s life, his second breakup with Bella Hadid and his arrest in Las Vegas. The latter was due to his misbehaviour; in January 2015 he punched a cop in Vegas, lmao. Which means that After Hours is a recollection of The Weeknd’s first few years in LA. He merges the concept of his breakup with the idea of being an upcoming star, feeling free in the city of lights all while diving deep into the meaninglessness of those lights.
While After Hours starts with loneliness and a second chance it leads up to Abel returning to his vices of lust. In Alone Again his loneliness caught up to him and he’s asking for a second chance. He acknowledges his mistakes and situation in Too Late/Hardest to Love, in Scared to Live his ex then returns to him for a second time. He remembers his past ways in Snowchild and the way in which it lead to better days, but where do you go after such highs? In Escape From LA he faces the superficial reality of Hollywood, glad that he got that he got back with his ex, while continuing to question if it’s worth it. But he fucks up the second chance when she pulls up to the studio.
Who is she? Much like the other mysteries surrounding The Weeknd’s music, we may never know. Is it all more of The Weeknd’s songwriting ability or is it driven by reality? Fans found a merge between the two to be more accurate, After Hours is about heartbreak and a return to the vices that held The Weeknd back.
Heartless is when The Weeknd is once again back to his ways, he may have been in a serious relationship but after throwing that away he spirals back to the way he once was. It’s sad but it’s one hell of a song. Speaking of brilliant songs, Faith is when Abel admits that he’s back on his vices, he states that he needs his ex back with him till the end; he’s back to self-loathing.
So when he says he’s blinded by the lights, there’s two meanings to it. The Faith outro tells us that he’s in a car with flashing lights, a cop car (as confirmed by Abel) to be exact. Then Blinding Lights tells us that while he’s watching the bright lights of Vegas pass him by he calls out for the girl that he regrets losing. That is the peak of the After Hours narrative. He’s behaving badly over the loss of the girl he loved and is now at the worst position trying to find her and gain her trust for a third time.
Following Blinding Lights is In Your Eyes, this is where The Weeknd vows not to judge her; he can see right through her but will never do anything to make her upset. Does this mean their back together? Not exactly. Save Your Tears details a sort of moving-on that The Weeknd isn’t ready for but tries to help her move on, blind to his own inability to move on. Does it work? Not really. Repeat After Me (Interlude) shows that he’s still trying to convince himself that he’s unfazed by the loss of a meaningful relationship.
Then you hear a true masterpiece. The title track is a spiral into true regret and an apology for his actions, he admits that his ex girlfriend is the only reason he lives. In a dark lonely city she’s the only one keeping him sane. But his pleas fail, Until I Bleed Out is when The Weeknd no longer wants her in his life so much so that he wants to erase his memory of anything related to her. The bonus tracks then echo the final sentiment.
It’s one sad ass album, ain’t it. But here’s where the Red Suit Character comes in.
Shoutout to the makeup department
The album isn’t the only narrative to follow with After Hours. The videos for the album follow their own sort of narrative. The story follows an unnamed guy that goes by “red suit character” according to The Weeknd.
There’s a lot of confusion and endless theories surrounding this character’s story, after The Weeknd confirmed that it’s about a decent into Hollywood culture it makes more sense… kind of. I’m gonna discuss the storyline without talking about the movies that have influenced it, this way the focus remains on the character.
The order of these videos is Heartless / Blinding Lights / Blinding Lights (Live on Kimmel)* / After Hours short film / In Your Eyes / Until I Bleed Out / Snowchild / Too Late / Live at AMAs* / Save Your Tears
*Though all live performances could count as part of the narrative, these one relate directly with the videos that follow.
He’s is first seen in Vegas with Metro Boomin (Heartless), intoxicated on various substances. He dives deeper into his high until he licks a frog, after that he faces the true effects of this high. He’s frightened by the result and runs far away from Vegas. (Blinding Lights) He’s then found in LA, where he’s dancing in the street, hypnotized by the singer, beat up by guards, and races past all those bright lights in his Benz. Ultimately realizing the shallowness of the Los Angeles fantasy.
(Blinding Lights Live on Kimmel) We then find him performing Blinding Lights live, while he attempts to find more reason in within the madness city; he couldn’t find it on the streets so he goes to the stage. (After Hours short film) Even then there’s no meaning to anything in the city, he mindlessly wanders into the depth of the subway where he’s dragged by the reality of it all and ends up possessed. (In Your Eyes) After being possessed he chases the woman whose boyfriend he just murdered, she runs into a club falls deeper into the After Hours fantasy, in a successful attempt to defend herself she beheads the red suit character and dances all over LA with his head, iconic behaviour.
(Until I Bleed Out) Then in an ethereal dreamscape, red suit character finds himself in a House of Balloons. He’s trying to escape, but the people there keep pulling him in; he’s getting higher while observing Glass Table Girls. He spirals into the antarctic, the other side of the world. From Heatless to this point in his story, his vices lead him back to the lowest point in Abel’s life. Is it Hell, Heaven or Las Vegas? (Snowchild) He relives his career up until the point where his story began. Considering he’s dead, his life basically flashed before his eyes.
(Too Late) LA girls find the red suit character’s head and live their best life. They wanna have sex with him so they find the best boy parts by calling up a stripper who could be the body. The stitch the head up with the body and do what they want. But now he’s brought back to life. (Live at AMAs) He’s had work done… He went in to get his nose fixed and the doctor said “you sure that’s all you want?” The red suit character’s face is healing while he tries to celebrate his life on top of a bridge.
(Save Your Tears) Surrounded by a masked cult he debut’s his new face. Do they like it? Are they impressed? Not instantly, their masks translate no expression so how’s he to know? Is any of this worth it? Nope red suit character continues to die inside. He finds a maskless girl in the crowd, she’s lively unlike the rest; but even then, nothing on the inside nothing on the outside. He wants death again, somehow a second chance with this city is still pointless. He tries to kill himself via the girl and himself but it’s all a facade; theatrics.
His story continues but that’s all we know so far.
The videos make a lot of film references. This post by explain these references very well, as well as past album references here (part one) and here (part two).
After Hours is inspired by a lot of movies, since Abel is in fact a cinephile. The main movies that inspired the aesthetic and storytelling are believed to be Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), Casino (1995), Joker (2019), Uncut Gems (2020), and After Hours (1985). The album tells two sad narratives but remains one of The Weeknd’s best works yet. He’s expanded his videography and enhanced the interest of people who casually enjoy his music and of course his fans.
But the era isn’t over, by the time this is posted his Super Bowl Halftime show is yet to happen. And it’ll continue the red suit character’s story.
Videos for After Hours (so far)
Fun Fact—The Heartless video features a reference to Thursday. When he’s trying to run from Vegas, a sign behind him flashes “Heartless / Heaven or Las Vegas.” This could be a reference to Abel running from his past, after all Heartless is about him returning to his vices.

END.

Thank you for reading this, again, I didn’t realize it would end up being this long. But I hope this this served as a nice refresher for any fans who wanted to revisit Abel’s work before the Super Bowl.
And I really hope that anyone interested in getting into his music finds this helpful. Once again, the theories/interpretations mentioned aren’t conclusive, they’re widely based on fan discussion/mutual interpretation.
Due to the character limit I couldn’t add too links to the albums, so here are some artist links.
Apple Music | Spotify | YouTube | The Weeknd’s Shop | Tidal | Genius
submitted by AHSWeeknd to popheads [link] [comments]

An Updated Definitive List of the Bodega Boy's Aliases — Part 4!

Shout out to u/Misanthropia for the original post — the hive needed more updated art!
This list is current as of episode 233 (2/1/21)
Desus goes by numerous aliases on the Bodega Boys Podcast. These aliases are based on references to pop culture, sports, and hip-hop. The long and ever-changing list of aliases or "AKAs" are one of the many running gags on the show. During an interview with Method Man on Desus and Mero, Desus explained that the idea for aliases was based on the alter-egos of the rappers in the song "Wu-Gambinos" on the album Only Built 4 Cuban Linx... by Wu-Tang Clan member Raekwon. (info via Wikipedia)
Desus & Mero no longer record from Milk Studios (moved indefinitely) and have been recording the podcast remotely from home due to the pandemic. Most of the AKA’s now mention social distancing, hot takes on covid and store closures.

Desus

Desus is extremely consistent with his aliases, almost always presenting them in the exact same order and without any exclusions:
Desus Nice — In a Hot 97 interview on April 13th 2017, Desus explains that people started calling him Desus as a play on his government name, "Daniel", and "Jesus", because he worked miracles with people's computers
Young Chipotle — Desus’ original alias, he explains in one podcast that it originates from when he was broke and buying Chipotle was a genuine treat
Pockets stay fat like Terio (Pockets stay fat like 'here we go') — A reference to viral star Terio, a young, obese African American boy whose videos of him dancing launched him to very brief viral fame. Recently, Desus added the more politically correct and kid friendly “here we go”
Eli Litby — A play on Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin
Boutros Boutros Gully — A play on Boutros Boutros-Ghali, former Secretary-General of the UN, “Gully” being Jamaican Patois for an impoverished area
Slobodan Might-know-ya-bitch — A play on Slobodan Milosevic, former President of Serbia and important player in the Bosnian War
Young Day Party — I believe this was adopted in the summer of 2016 after Desus recounted the story of a day party in D.C., which seemed to invigorate his love for partying during the day
Young Hot Take — He has hot takes, pretty obvious here
Desus H. Fuego — Another moniker to describe his hot (“fuego”) takes on topics
Mr. Nandos with a rando — Nandos is a portuguese chicken restaurant chain which originated in South Africa and is big in the UK and Australia. Rando is slang for random person. Having Nandos with a rando is eating chicken with a random person (credit to u/deweez)
Mr. Mil Novecientos Noventa Y Cuatro en Nueva York — In later episodes Desus rarely adds the “en Nueva York” bit, but it translates to “Mr. 1994 in New York”. "The Knicks team in 1994 made the finals and is a legendary team amongst all Knicks fans who were around at the time. That team got to game 7 of the finals against the Rockets. NYC rallied around that team hard body because that team absolutely embodied NYC to a T with guys like Ewing, Charles Oakley, Mason, Starks, and Derek Harper." (credit to u/Okieant33)
Mikhail Goin-off — derived from former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev (credit to u/GhettoFob) converged with an allusion to losing ones temper in an act of random violence.
The Jouvert Boss — “Jouvert” is a carnival held in Caribbean/West Indian culture, involving a lot of partying
MC Likkle Gungo Pea — Gungo pea is a type of peas (also known as pigeon peas) often used in Jamaican dishes. Reference to his Jamaican heritage (credit to u/hopelessromcom)
"Pullin' up from 40 with your shorty" — Desus will “pull up”, or make a pass at, your girl even when the odds are slim or unlikely, much like a 40 foot shot in basketball
"Don’t talk to me in the Uber Pool, I don’t know you" — Uber introduced a service where you can share rides with other Uber users for a discounted rate. Desus has expressed his reluctance to engage with strangers when he is using it
The original “my plus one got a plus one so don’t make a fuss son” — When Desus shows up to an event with a girl, he brings two, and he's intimating that the host shouldn’t have a problem with that
Desus Rothstein, the Jamaican Jew — Originated around when Mero began his house search in Bergen County, NJ where a number of wealthy people of Jewish descent live. Desus envisions a version of himself who would fit in there
Jermaine Avocado Toast — Desus has gotten more cultured as a result of their success, and as such he has been able to indulge in things usually enjoyed by privileged white people, a stereotypical example of that being avocado toast. This is Desus’ gentrified, hipster persona
Young PA — Possible reference to the sound of small amount of air being expelled from a loose butthole, which is an impression Mero occasionally does (credit to u/jimsternub). This is also a reference to Brooklyn rapper Young MA.
The Ghost of Mufasa — A reference to Lion King, but beyond that I have no idea why he adopted it. Still hilarious though, and the nickname that most often makes Mero laugh
Young Charcuterie without the coonery — Charcuterie is considered very hip and trendy right now, and Desus is again saying he has a taste for the finer things, but is no longer interested in “coonery”, a derogatory term used to describe stereotypical African American behavior
Chile Limon, the left handed reliever for the Yankee’s (Que lo que?) — A fictional persona that seems to be a Latino version of Dock Ellis, who famously threw a no hitter while high on Acid. Chile Limon is also a popular seasoning/flavor with the Latino community
3 Phone Jones — Desus originally adopted "2 Phone Jones" after he reluctantly bought an iPhone to go with his Samsung Galaxy. He then received a Google Pixel, making it 3 Phone Jones (credit to u/ArtSorr0w)
Desus Ex Machina — A play on the common plot device “deus ex machina”, or “god from the machine” in which an unsolvable problem is suddenly resolved by some unexpected intervention. Desus also used to have a tumblr entitled "Desus Ex Machina" (credit to u/hardcore9)
Jay Chuckles — Revealed in episode 55 to be a reference to a now-defunct shoe store in NYC. Did Desus read this thread?
Stanley Cups — Desus' former rap alias, as revealed in episode 53.
The Human Dr. Bronner’s Label (Dilute! Dilute! Dilute!) — A reference to the concentrated soap Dr. Bronner’s Castile soap, which needs to be diluted. I didn’t quite understand how Desus applied this to himself, but it came from a joke in Episode 51 or 52 about Sean Spicer trying to defray controversy surrounding President Trump's decisions
Dionardo DiTrappio — A play on “Leonardo DiCaprio”, the actor, but referencing “trapping”, a slang for selling drugs.
Mr. 240p because I like my Pino blurry — Desus longs for the days of very low resolution pornography. 240p refers to the resolution, which is extremely low by modern standards
DJ Woolite AKA You're listening to Washed FM up next we got 24 hours of — The host of the fictional station “Washed FM”, a fictional radio station that is sometimes referenced along with “WSMK, Smack City Radio”. Woolite is a brand of fabric softener. Desus said multiple times on the podcast that now that he's single and living alone, he washes his clothes with extra fabric softener. As a kid, his clothes would get washed and be hard as nails. Again, he's got a taste for the finer things in life. (credit to u/Okieant33)
The Curried G.O.A.T. — A double reference to Desus’s Jamaican heritage, where Curried Goat is a popular culinary item, as well as referencing the phrase “G.O.A.T”, short for “greatest of all time”
Desus Spicer — A play on the former White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, who is often referenced on Desus & Mero as “spicing up” or “adding spice” to his takes
Jamal Hashburn — A play on Jamal Mashburn, a former NBA player, about Hash
The Bronx Celine Dion — Refers to the fact that Celine Dion is very popular in the Jamaican community, and so Desus is like Celine, but from the Bronx. (credit to u/chefboyardu) This is especially present with foreign and immigrant culture which means he is of mogul or iconic status for the Bronx (credit to u/courtofdacrimsonking)
Wray and Nephew's Nephew — A play on J. Wray and Nephew rum, which has its origins in Jamaica like Desus. Also, Desus drinks a lot, which you probably should have figured out by now. Introduced in episode 58
The Moreno you can't contain-o — A play on "moreno", a Spanish term for someone with dark skin
The Human Meme, Word to Ja — A play on Ja Rule's infamous mistake of believing that the word "meme" is pronounced "may-may"
Young Erewhon — A reference to a bourgeois health food store in LA, which makes this nickname in the vein of "Jermaine Avocado Toast", demonstrating Desus' taste for finer things now. (credit to u/a-1-since-day-1)
The Racist Provocateur — Desus flipped an angry tweet from April 28th 2017, in which someone called him a "racist provocateur" into a new alias
Henrik Bud-qvist — A play on NHL goalie Henrik Lundqvist, who currently plays for the New York Rangers
Nelson Bang-dela — An old alias resurrected in episode 65, a play on South African civil right's icon Nelson Mandela
Sergio Can't-see-me — A play on Sergio Tacchini, an Italian fashion designer and former Tennis player
Vladimir Boofin' — A play on Russian president Vladimir Putin, "boofin" being a reference to smuggling something by sticking it inside one's rectum
The Human Werther's, melting in your mouth — A reference to Werther's Originals, a brand of caramel hard candies favored by old people. Not really sure what this one means otherwise.
Mr. Becks on Deckington — The first time Desus introduced this one, he accidentally said "Mr. Becky's on Deckington" which was an incredible Freudian slip since Desus has been accused of not being into black women, and "Becky" is the stereotypical white woman name in pop culture. This is a reference to Desus always drinking Beck's, a cheap beer he favors along with Heineken. Adding "-ington" to words is New York slang, as Mero explains at some point.
Rikki-Tikki-Squad-bi — A play on Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, a character from the Jungle Book
Greg "Paaa"-povitch — A very meta play on San Antonio Spur's head coach Greg Popovich and the onomatopoeia of spreading butt cheeks apart (according to Mero)
Morris "Say it with your chest"-nut — A play on actor Morris Chestnut
Mahatma Gone-B — A play on famed pacifist Mahatma Gandi
Not Macka B but I got the cucumber — A reference to a viral video in which Reggae artist Macka B raps about healthy food in his "medical monday" series, Desus is unsurprisingly referencing his penis
The juices are pressed but your boy never is — Being "pressed" means someone is applying pressure to you, and no one would do that to Desus. The juices he is talking about are probably the morning drink he has with lemongrass and cayenne pepper that he makes reference to many times in recent episodes of the podcast.
I am the Art, dammit! — Not sure if this is a reference to anything specific or just a Kanye-esque line a crazed creative might yell out at some point
The Don Dada Ganoush — I believe this is a reference to the Meditteranean dish Baba Ganoush, "Don Dada" is Jamaican Patois slang (I believe) for “top pimp” or “big player” and a sort-of homophone for "baba"
No more Cup of Noodles — I don't know if this is a reference beyond the fact that Cup of Noodles is a struggle meal and Desus is no longer struggling
The Prince of Peckham — A reference to Peckham, a diverse neighborhood in London
The Fashion Nova Casanova — Fashion Nova is an online clothing retailer that specifically targets curvy women that Desus and Mero reference pejoratively (saying it's for bottle waitresses), Desus is saying here that he excels at seducing these kind of women ("Casanova" is a term of a man who excels at seducing women derived from the name of Italian Giacomo Casanova)
"William H. 5 Cent, 10 Cent, Dolla... Forget the small change, give me the the big money wine" — A reference to Soca Boys song "Dollar Wine (one cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar)" which apparently was super popular in the West Indies. "William H Holla is something Jay-Z used to call himself back in his hey day. It comes from the fact that Bill Gates' full name is William Henry Gates. Jay-Z used to give himself nicknames back in the day. J-Hova caught on but he used the term William H Holla because Jay-Z also coined the phrase "Holla At Me" and "Holla Back" and just shortened it to "Holla". So put the two together and you have William H Holla. He first said it on the song "Stick to the Script" off the Dynasty album. So Desus took it and made it his own." (credit to u/Okieant33)
The only anthem I salute is Dipset — A reference to the ongoing national anthem protests in the NFL, Desus is saying the only anthem he salutes is "Dipset Anthem" by Harlem rap legends The Diplomats
Mister Sauga, Catch me at Square One Top Left. Mans is marved. (Dont cheese me bro) — Finally a Canadian-centric reference, which makes sense given that the Bodega Boys have performed there multiple times. This is a reference to the Square One Shopping Center in Mississauga, Canada (where Desus alleges his mysterious wife and kids live), and "top left" is Greater Toronto Area slang for "truthful" or "seriously". "Mans is marved", means "I'm hungry" in Toronto slang (credit to u/Fortehlulz33)
Trill Rizzuto, holy cow! — A reference to former Yankees player Phil Rizzuto who would later go on to be a commentator, where his trademark expression was "holy cow!"
Mister Soft Palms because all I do is count checks and jerk off — I don't know if this is a reference to anything except Desus bragging about his lifestyle
"We got OJ, uh purple stuff, soda, and it's me! Sunny D!" — A reference to an old Sunny D commercial (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQE3jWYuGiw), and a play on the fact that people likely used to called Desus by the nickname "D", so "it's me! Sunny D" would be like saying "it's me, Desus!". Also kind of ironic since Desus is not a particularly sunny person (cue Dark Desus).
David Yerp-man — A play on David Yurman, an expensive jewelry company, and NYC slang exclamation "yerp"
Desus-expensive, Desus-Red Bottoms, Desus-bloody shoes — A play on a lyric from fellow Bronx native Cardi B taken from her song "Bodak Yellow"
Smo-a-kim Noah — A play on NBA player Joaquim Noah who played for the Knicks
Andrew Coooooool-nanan — A reference to serial killer (most notable for killing Gianni Versace) Andrew Cunanan
The Junior Energy God, come sit down 'pon me charger — Originally just the "Energy God" until Desus realized that that was fellow Jamaican Elephant Man's aliases. I thiiiink this is referring to the phrase "bring the same energy", the idea that if one is saying something behind someone's back, when confronted by the individual they should stick to their original statements. This alias started after the infamous Desus & Mero visit to the Breakfast Club, in which DJ Envy accosted the boys about a joke they made about his wife. Desus & Mero didn't punk out and therefore "brought the same energy". Someone tell me if I'm reaching here.
Call me PetCo cause I got your bitch-on-freeze — A play on words for the dog breed Bichon Frise
The Topic of Gossip in Syosset (Shout out to 11791 ah ah ah) — Syosset (zip code 11791) is a town in Long Island, NY. it's real bougie and suburban so Desus is saying basically he's got reach and is known not just in the hood but in the wealthy burbs too (credit to u/terminal-chillness)
Grandpa Joe, When you see Charlie you see me don't touch that golden ticket — A direct reference to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Grandpa Joe) and Desus's cats name (Charlie)
Dead Eye Desus (Mornin’ Sherrif) — Dead Eye Desus refers to the 2018 video game Red Dead Redemption 2. The game features a gameplay mechanic called "Dead Eye" that allows the player to slow time to achieve easy head shots and kills. The game is also set in the late 1800's, early 1900's in the old West, which is why Desus typically references a Sheriff after saying Dead Eye Desus. (credit to u/biggak)
Mr. Shopping at StreetEasy with a bad breezy like I'm Yeezy, please believe me — Another one of Desus' tongue twisters, this one is in reference to shopping at StreetEasy, a NYC real estate website with an attractive woman like Kanye West might do
The Black Asiatic who will crack your back like an automatic craftmatic — Added in episode 54 after Desus' continuing gag about "big Black Asiatic men" (often referencing their penises). Here Desus is implying that sex with him (a Black Asiatic man) is very vigorous by saying he will change your posture like a Craftmatic mattress, which is a brand of mattress whose shape and orientation can be controlled electronically
Mr. La Marina in a mesh Merina with a fresh misdemeanor and a cold demeanor — This one is a doozy, but was adopted after Desus mentioned his frequent trips to La Marina (a bar on the water in Manhattan) in episodes released in the summer of 2016. A mesh Merina is a a mesh tank top (I think). The other two parts are self explanatory. Not sure how he always gets this one right without mixing up the words.
The Sheet-Mask Killer (No one could be iller) — ??
The Black Zack Morris of Port Morris — A take on Zack Morris for his problematic schemes on Saved by the Bell. (credit to u/justic3bon3r) Port Morris is a neighborhood in the Bronx (credit to u/m9rockstar) home of The Bronx Brewery and Bodega Boys Beer
Young KPI — Desus recites lyrics by Depeche Mode “Personal Jesus” (1989) More than likely this is a play off his main alias (Personal Desus)
The Pelé of Peleton — Pelé (Edson Arantes do Nascimento) was a former Brazilian soccer player and considered one of the greats. Desus is an avid Peleton user so much he deems himself the greatest of all time
Your problematic bae — Desus occasionally says problematic things, but you still love him, hence him being your “bae”. He always ends with this one, followed by an exaggerated kissing sound.
*After Desus's last aka he gives some sort of problematic advice sometimes followed by explosions*

Mero

Mero (u/THE_KID_MERO) is far less consistent with his aliases. Depending upon how smacked he is, he will often exclude or repeat some of his aliases. He also adds them far less frequently than Desus.
The Kid Mero — In a Hot 97 interview on April 13th 2017, Mero explained that this alias comes from the fact that his father and uncle wanted to name him "Ramiro", but his mother vetoed it and named him "Joel". His father and uncle continued to call him "Ramiro", which was shortened to "Miro" as a nickname. When Mero started tagging, he changed Miro to Mero because he found E to be a nicer letter to write (credit to u/atorMMM) as well as he just didn't like how the "i" looked. Also tagging the name "Ramiro" that long would get you arrested
The Human Durag Flap — Mero’s original nickname, and a reference to how hood he is and his uncircumcised status, something that gets referenced very often (credit u/ZeddyG2 and u/chandlersokay)
Curve Gotti — A play on “Irv Gotti”, former boss of Murder, Inc. records
Donovan Mcdabb — A play on former NFL player Donovan Mcnabb, in reference to dabbing, which could have two meanings (smoking THC oil or the dance move created by the Migos)
Trizz Khalifa — A play on “Wiz Khalifa”, but substituting the first part of the name with the slang “Trizz”. Usually said in a fake patois, imitating Popcaan's cry of "Fuck Wiz Khalifa!" at a Mixpak event
SKKRRRT Loder — A play on “Kurt Loder” former host on MTV News and editor at Rolling Stone
James St. Fatdick, I'll Ghost on you shorty — Originated right around the premiere of season 4 of Starz hit show "Power", here referencing the main character James St. Patrick, whose street alias is "Ghost"
Tiger Backwoods — A reference to pro golfer Tiger Woods and Mero’s love for smoking backwoods
“I no fucking baby, I fucking man!” — A reference to the viral video that sent friend of the brand Pioladitingancia to fame
“Check the guest list again because my name is definitely on it, and no I’m not stepping to the side while you check! ” — Not so much a nickname but something Mero might have said back in the day when he was broke and had to lie about being on guest lists to get into clubs
CC Dab-bathia — A play on Yankees Starting Pitchers name, CC Sabathia (and close friend of the brand)
Goldman Shm-achs — A variation of the phrase made popular by Bobby Shmurda and a reference to Goldman Sachs.
Mensch Montana — An alias borrowed from French Montana (who is from South Bronx) and popular artist with the Bodega Boys. They have mentioned his classic Mac and Cheese mixtapes numerous times on the podcast. Also this is a nod to his Jewish family connection; Mensch is Yiddish for "good guy." (credit to u/chefboyardu)
The Da-da-da Dad of the year — A play on a lyric from ScHoolboy Qs song "Man of The Year" (credit u/ZeddyG2). Mero already has three Mero Jr’s and the bodega princess, and as far as we can tell is an awesome dad, thus earning such a title. Confirmed to be a ScHoolboy Q reference in episode 56
Been-Smacked Biyombo — A play on “Bismack Biyombo”, a professional basketball player on the Charlotte Hornets
Di-Yayo Maradona — Reference to Argentinean soccer legend Diego Maradona and slang for coke (credit to u/terminal-chillness)
Dick-in-ya-bae Mutombo — A play on Dikembe Mutombo, former NBA player. Mero now respects the woman’s agency and asks for permission first before entering
Barlos Santana — A play on famed guitarist Carlos Santana and Xanax bars
The Dominican Don Dada — Jamaican Patois slang (I believe) for “top pimp” or “big player”, and as we know Mero is of Dominican descent, hence “Dominican Don Dada”. The phrase "Jamaican Don Dada" is used by the character Lennox in the movie "Belly", which is a classic in hip hop culture (credit to u/a-1-since-day-1) He follows this up with "catch me at Locksmith throwing up on myself". Locksmith is a bar on 192nd & Broadway in Inwood, which is a REALLY Dominican NYC neighborhood (credit to u/terminal-chillness)
Some variation of "swipe my card again, put the bag over it, there's definitely money on it!" — A reference to a familiar experience for anyone who has been broke, in which you lie and act like it's the store's fault when your card gets declined
Romeo Xantos — A reference to famed Bachata artist and Xanax, Bachata being a dance and music style originating in the Dominican Republic. Also the added "Sooo xanny, lemme black out" is a play on Romeo's adlib "sooo nasty, lemme find out" (credit to u/terminal-chillness)
Light-an-L Dutchie "Hello? Is it weed you're looking for?" — Another weed double entendre referencing Lionel Richie and his famous song "Hello"
Papa Sushi, The Dyckman Don — A reference to often-referenced MamaSushi, a fusion sushi restaurant on Dyckman Street in Manhattan
Tom Brazy, your girl got my balls deflated — A boastful play on the Deflategate controversy surrounding Tom Brady and the New England Patriots after the 2014-2015 AFL Championship game
Feel-da-ass Tyson (CONSENSUALLY WITH YOUR PERMISSION) — A play on “Neil DeGrasse Tyson”, a well known physicist
Lil’ Snoozie Vert— A play on the name Lil Uzi Vert. This is also in reference for when Mero actually ‘tapped out’ on Instagram Live
Fry-an-L Messi — A play on Lionel Messi, a famous Argentinian soccer player of Italian descent, and smoking an "L", slang for blunt
Joe Hookah "I dare you! To smoke with me! At MamaSushi!" — A reference to rapper Black Rob's song "I Dare You" that features Joe Hooker on the hook. MamaSushi is a high-end restaurant chain located in New York
Ben Barson my hands are gifted — During the 2016 election cycle, famed neurosurgeon Ben Carson engaged in a brief campaign for the Republican nomination. Mero took to doing impressions of him, exaggerating Carson’s urban upbringing by saying he was “Ben Barson”, in which the “C” was replaced with a “B”, as a Blood gang member would. Unlike Desus, who almost never fumbles his nicknames, Mero has maybe said this one correctly one time
Xaniel Bedingfield — A play on Daniel Bedingfield followed by Mero playing "I Gotta Get Through This" a popular song by the artist Daniel Bedingfield with lyrics that are about Xanax (credit to u/KTTeal)
Some variation of “I’ll open your medicine cabinet and take all of your Benzos” — This is self-referential in two ways: 1. The earlier reference here is to when Mero admitted to Desus that he will unashamedly go through people’s medicine cabinets in order to snoop on their lives and 2. After the boat party story in which Mero got drunk and took some Xanax’s, he added “I’ll take all of your benzos” bit to express how much he enjoys the feeling Benzodiazepines create
The Xandman — This is a play on the musical artist “Scatman John” who was most known for his song “Scatman’s World”, the chorus of which Mero imitates with this name and the accompanying vocalization
Rico Sabroso — Spanish for “Rich Tasty”, but I’m not sure what the reference here is beyond that
Baby Newport — I assume a reference to Newport brand cigarettes, stereotypically popular in urban areas
Niño Brown — A reference to the main character of the film “New Jack City”, in which Wesley Snipes plays a crack dealer named Nino Brown, but pronounced like the Spanish word for "kid", giving it some Latino flavor (credit to u/Okieant33)
The East Tremont Stevie B — East Tremont is a predominately Hispanic area of the Bronx, while Stevie B was a recording artist from the 80’s with some incredible Jheri Curls. Sometimes sings "I want to be the one your Titi is fucking" after
I met Mike Francesca im never gon’ fail — A direct reference from when the Bodega Boys actually met Mike on the last episode on Desus & Mero on Viceland. In translation, this means after finally meeting with the iconic Sports Pope this makes him unstoppable. This is also a reference to Kanye West's song 'Ultralight Beam' where Chance the Rapper says "I met Kanye West, I'm never gonna fail" (credit to u/RemyDWD)
The Plantain Supernova in the Sky — A reference to the Oasis hit “Champagne Supernova”, but changed to reflect Mero’s Dominican heritage, which often uses plantains in its cuisine. Occasionally he will sing an extended version, which goes “One day you will find me, smoking weed on Tremont/in the Plantain Supernova in the sky”. How does he hit these melodies so perfectly every time?
Tom Petty and the Ball Breakers — A play on the rock band name ‘Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’. Mero sings the chorus from Tom Petty’s solo project “Free Fallin’” as “Free Ballin’” suggesting that he feels free doing his Zoom calls without pants
Barmelo Xanthony — An incredible play on the Bodega Boy’s favorite NBA player, Carmelo Xanthony, and Mero’s beloved Xanax’s. (credit to u/terminal-chillness) Most recently, Mero has changed his references to him making sound financial decisions and balancing his portfolio since the interview with Carmelo himself on Desus & Mero on Showtime
Some variation of “If you see me in Target approach me like a bear” — Originates from Mero’s love of getting really high and hanging out in Target. Being high sometimes makes him paranoid, so he doesn’t like people just running up on him. Desus suggested people “approach him diagonally, like you would a bear”. Mero interchanges “bear”, “Ursine Mammal”, and “Oso” (Spanish for “bear”) at random
Benzo the Clown — A problematic clown for kids that ruins birthday parties and not refunding your $50 deposit. Originated on Episode 96, Desus starts talking about rolling up to Mero Jr’s bar mitzvah smacked. (credit to u/outtaspite) Benzo’s antics are normally cut short by Mr. Fun Fun (voiced by Desus) normally ending with the problematic light
I sold fake Lean to your favorite SoundCloud rapper — Not sure this is a specific reference other than the fact that Lean is pretty much a guaranteed accessory for any SoundCloud rapper and Actavis discontinued their codeine/promethazine cough syrup in 2014 due to abuse, so a lot of people are drinking fake Lean.
"Llego el hijo de Tito y Fifa papi"/"The son of Tito and Fifa has arrived, papi — In later episodes, Mero began to include some Spanish phrases at the end of his list of aliases, usually beginning with this phrase and building off of it. When Mero does this he also says "Hassan tira me lo pita" which is slang for "Hassan drop me a beat". Mero is making pretend that he's a DJ on NY's Spanish Radio Station 97.9 La Mega. Mero from here goes on to talk all kinds of shit about how hard and gangster he is. (credit to u/bobbuddha and u/Okieant33)
Please correct me if you have ideas or see mistakes!
​
Discontinued aliases:
Desus
Mero
submitted by veeno__ to bodegaboys [link] [comments]

[Table] I’m the founder and executive director of Love Not Lost, a nonprofit on a mission to revolutionize the way we heal in grief. I know we have all faced loss this year. Grief is hard. I’m here to create a space to talk about it so Ask Me ANYTHING! (pt 2/3)

Source | Previous table
Rows in table: ~90
Questions Answers
We just lost my little brother to suicide less than a month ago. He was struggling to find happiness and was hurting after the end of a relationship, but we never expected him to take his life. He shot himself in the master bathroom of my parents' home. My mother is understandably traumatized, but she also is often asking the why and what-if questions. Whether she was a good mother, if she could have changed things, what she might have done differently that morning. Lots of questions that, frankly, we will probably never know the answer to. The issue is, these questions keep her in a state of mind that doesn't allow her to move forward. And she's trapped herself in a mindset which resulted in inpatient treatment for severe anxiety in the past worrying herself to death. How can I nudge her away from that place and those questions? How do I help her grieve in a way that helps her heal and begin to move forward? This is definitely a scenario where I am going to beg you to get a therapist involved asap - preferably one who specializes in trauma. There are so many layers of grief and trauma you and your parents have been through. I can’t even begin to scratch the surface in a comment. A good therapist will be able to dive into your story, learn more about each of you, your history, your character, your communication styles, and more to help give you specific guidance through the days and months ahead. I am so sorry. My heart is broken for your family. My chest hurt reading this. One of my good friends lost her sibling to suicide earlier this year and it’s devastating.
If you’re a reader, one of my favorite books on trauma is The Body Keeps The Score, which offers insight on healing from trauma. I truly am sending so much love to you and hope you can find the right support to help you and your mom with her anxiety and fear.
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My parents are speaking to counselors and participating in support groups, yes. I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do, personally, to help her accept that she's not to blame. Thank you. I’m so glad to hear you have counseling support and hope that trauma support is a part of that. As far as personal support, I go with my gut and my heart for moments of support... Sometimes my heart will guide me to say something specific. Other times I will feel like I am supposed to stay quiet and just be present. I think a big part of support is being able to see the other person’s state of being and know how to best love them wherever they are.
So much of support is loving - and so much of loving is knowing. Because I don’t know your mom, I don’t feel like I can really help with specifics. But maybe you can start by asking her, “how can I love you best right now?” That’s usually where I start...
My sister is in the final stages of bone cancer. She is in her 40s with young children. Our entire family is grieving and so is my sister. Her life will be cut short and all of it feels massively unfair. Do you have any suggestions on ways to help her as she attempts to cope with her grief? She doesn’t have much time left. I just want to be there for her in any way possible. I am so sorry. Bone cancer is awful and facing your own death is incredibly challenging. I walked a friend through stage 4 lung cancer and he was in his 50s. One way that I helped him is that I would bring him anti-inflammatory foods and tea, I would sit with him alone in the house when he was resting just so he would have company or someone to call if he needed help, and I was also willing to ask him hard questions, like, “are you afraid to die?”
We would sit and cry together. He had some religious questions but wasn’t able to get out of the house hardly, so I asked a pastor to come over and talk with him. I would make it known that he and his partner could call on me any time day or night and I would be there. I did my best to create a safe space for him to share anything he needed to share and just to let him know he was loved and not alone.
I know you don’t have a lot of time left, but one thing you might want to look into is Saga to help your sister record some memories to preserve so your family can listen to them after she’s gone.
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My heart goes out to anyone with an ill loved one. My sweet father in law is sick with an incurable brain tumor. We can’t spend time with him during this time and we want the connection so much. I found Saga and it just brings me so much relief and happiness to hear my father in law’s stories recorded for his children and grandchildren. He is so happy to pick up the app and answer random and varied questions and hearing his voice makes me well up with tears of joy. I wish I had Saga when my grandparents passed away 10 years ago so my kids could have heard more about what life was like a long time ago. Thank you so much for sharing ♥️
Have you thought of working with the Order of the Good Death? Never heard of it - what is it all about?
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The Order of the Good Death is a death acceptance organization founded in 2011 by mortician and author Caitlin Doughty. The group advocates for natural burial and embracing human mortality. I think your goals would match up well. Death and Grief are linked and you probably have a perspective members would like to hear. That’s awesome. Thank you! I will check it out. My husband and I chose a natural burial for our daughter.
This is really awesome - I am on the Order of a Good Death website now and it reminds me so much of Caleb Wilde and his book Confessions of a Funeral Director. His website.
Thank you so much for sharing this 🙏♥️
I know you’re likely off this ama, but I’m just very interested in the topic of grief. My question is: how can I make others understand that my anticipatory grief at the impending loss of my dog is a valid grief? In the U.S. anyway, bereavement leave from work is a sham that varies from place to place and state to state, but never seems to last longer than a week. And for pets or best friends, those losses aren’t considered under paid bereavement leave. But when my dog dies, I honestly can’t imagine functioning again for a very long time. However, it seems like others (or workplaces, at least) do not validate that loss as grief. Still here! I’ve been touching base all day so thanks for your question - it’s a really important topic and grief policies are something we are working on as a part of our corporate care program. Bereavement leave on average is three paid days... which means that if I lost my daughter on a Monday, I would be expected back at work on Friday. THAT IS INSANE.
As far as pets, I also agree that those losses are not taken seriously, even though many of us view our pets as family members. I had a dog from age 5 to 21 - she was like a sister growing up and helped me through my parents divorce. I was a mess when she died and I totally understand your concern.
Have you had any conversations with your boss? Do you have any PTO time you can take if you don’t get bereavement leave?
Grief sucks. This is crazy i was just thinkign about grief. I miss my dad. I miss my grandma, she was like my mom because she literally was.. Its just so fucked up. Sometimes you wont have any emotion around the death of ur loved one, then itll hit you like a fucking plane. Im only 15 bruhbut these emotions are intense. MY grandpa i live with is coughing 24/7, hes sleeping more, and eating less, and his grammar is more poor. Hes already had multiple srtokes. My dad overdosed and died earlier this year on july. My grandma died when i was 10. I mean seomtimes I just stop giving a fuck and look up to god and try and just let him control because last time I did he didnt do me wrong... but.. Its just missing the feeling you had when you were with that person.. Missing the way you used to view the world when they were still alive.. Missing the way you used to think, operate, and how different things were when they were alive. Then you consider that they if they were depresesd as fuck, or if they were ur parent, they prolly went through what you went through when they were your age, which just makes it worse. But the hardest part? Accepting thtat they arent coming back... Coping with that god awful "empty" feeling of pain in your chest.... Because they really arent coming back.. You cant hug them, talk to them, ask for advice, create/ new memories, and thinking about old memories becomes hard because of the emotion it brings, especially if you have some sort of mental issues such as depression or bipolar or stuff around that spectrum.. I just think in my head... Is heaven real? I think it is personally but if it is... IS my grandma talking to her son (my dad) up there? ITs so sad. I hope that my dad can rejoice and get the happiness he never could, and talk to my grandma... I really do hope so. I just want him to hvae a conversation with my grandma, bceause Im sure that he missed his mom more than anything while he was still alive. Its the shit like this that creates a drug dealegang-bangeprisoneserial killer. Im just worried for my future... Im alreaedy failing high shcool... Fuck dude.. Why am I dealing with these emotions at this age. .Why? Why am i put through this. I really love the lord jesus christ. I love him. I would die for him if he vividily and as clear as he ever could told me that I had to die to prove I love him. Please. Every christian, and catholic here, pray for my grandpa. Please. Yall can already imagine how I feel. How... Just how do I accept my dads death.. It just aint fucking right. Its not. NOt one fuckin bit. To be 15 and going through what you are going through, I have mad respect for you that you’re here and wanting to heal. I’m sorry for the many losses you’ve experienced in such a short time. Your words “coping with that golf awful ‘empty’ feeling in your chest” resonate with me - that feeling is so real! Do any of your teachers know what you’ve gone through or what you’re currently dealing with at home? I lost my aunt, who I was extremely close with, while I was in college. In my personal experience, any time I would go to a teacher I trusted to share my struggles, they were understanding and cut me some slack - some even offered to help with resources or connections. I believe most teachers are good humans with big hearts - they’re certainly not there for the money.
Your school might also have a counselor on site that you can talk to for free if that interests you... If not, they might be able to help you find someone.
As far as your belief in Jesus, I asked some similar questions when my 21 months old daughter died in my arms at the age of 27. I don’t know if this will help in any way, but some answers that I landed on is that Jesus’ life was full of suffering. A Christian isn’t promised an easy life full of happiness, in fact, it’s almost the opposite. And it was actually in the suffering (as my daughter’s illness progressed and she became closer to death) that I felt closest to God. That didn’t make it any easier - it still sucked and was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And I do find comfort that my daughter is with my aunts, grandparents, and other relatives on the other side. I also believe that they can still love us from the other side.
I’m happy to share more if you want to hear it or stay connected outside of this Reddit if you want to talk more. Your future isn’t doomed and you’re not alone. There is hope and I am happy to help you as much as I can.
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first&foremost DM me so I can keep contact. But its just kinda hard knowing that if they are up there (i beleive that they are tho) and watching over me, they saw all the gross stuff ive done, eman stuff, illegal stuff, and etc... I mean I hang with gang members, if i was caught i couldve been a felon more tiems I can count, im failing in life... They aint proud. I want to have the strength to have the will to do schoolwork, i rly do. You ever think about them wtaching over u doing all ur stuff they wouldnt be proud of, and then kidna.. cringe to say the least Sent a DM 👍
I have dealt with a lot of guilt in feeling grief. When my biological father died, I felt guilty for grieving because we weren't super close throughout my life (though I was with him when he passed). My oldest sister (his daughter from a previous marriage) just died on December 4th and I have been grieving so much for her even though we never met in person...and because of this I feel incredibly guilty and like I don't deserve to grieve. What would you suggest to help people with that feeling of guilt to be able to allow themselves that needed period of grief? I first want to acknowledge that you experienced a loss and your grief is valid in both scenarios. You absolutely deserve to grieve and if you’re body is grieving, it’s working with you to feel those feeling and heal.
Do you feel guilty because of judgement coming from within or because of judgement from others? Regardless, it’s important to realize that not all voices you hear are voices you should listen to.
Listen to your body, give yourself permission to feel without judgement, and let yourself grieve ♥️
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I'm feeling the judgment from within. Everyone I'm close to has kind of just forgotten about it I guess (especially my sister's death) because I've only grieved in private and have thrown myself into being busy and working hard to keep it at bay. Thank you for your sentiments and advice. ❤️ You’re welcome. And you may not be alone. A lot of people grieve in private because they think it’s not acceptable to talk about. So you may think others have moved on, when in reality they may actually be processing still in private too...
I lost my grandmother 6 months ago. My father blames himself that he couldn't do much to save her. How do I help my dad through this guilt? Oh man, my heart hurts for you and your dad. It’s so hard when people blame themselves. I would consult a counselor or therapist for support. They’ll be able to get more of a backstory, understand who your dad is and how he communicates, learn who you are and how you communicate, and guide you through the process of those interactions. A good therapist can be such a treasure in the healing journey.
If you don’t have the funds, the most important thing for anyone is to feel unconditionally loved. From my personal experience, it can be helpful to hear that you don’t blame him for her death, that you love him and know he did everything he could in each moment he had.
It is easy to look back and say, “I should’ve done more...” or “I could’ve done this and that would’ve made the difference...” but looking at the past is so easy to judge and think differently. I believe in each moment in the present, we are doing the best we can with the tools and information we have.
Again, a counselor could guide you on what to say specifically and the proper timing to best work with your dad to encourage helpful and healing conversations.
What would be your ideas to help with grief that came after a breakdown in the relationship? I completely relate to your founding story, in regards to not being able to find the tools in facilitating healing. We had a stillborn death 3 months after discovering my wife had an affair the year previous. We have had a very different journey to healing, and whilst communication has been there, it hasn't always been led in to effective action to meet our needs. More specifically, I've found it difficult to be there as her support and I've wanted to grieve more privately. This has been exacerbated by the pandemic and breakdown in trust. I’m so sorry - the loss of a baby at birth is so much more than the loss of life. And that can be extra hard if the trust with your partner is on the rocks. My husband and I grieved very differently. He wanted the alone time (introvert). I wanted to talk about it (verbal processor and social person). I honestly considered divorce but thankfully I could take a step back and see that it was just our grief going in two different directions and not necessarily our marriage. We didn’t have any trust issues but we weren’t the best at our communication. We struggled so hard for a couple of years and it was rough, but we fought through it.
I had a friend lose two sons and her and her husband ended up getting divorced. They had some trust issues and that is the route they chose to move forward with.
Your situation is unique to the two of you and your willingness to fight together (be on the same team) or fight against each other. There are so many complex layers to relationships - family influence, past trauma, unresolved hurts within the existing relationship, grief, etc. I honestly think counseling is one of the best ways forward.
Our counselor sat us down and asked us what our vision for our marriage was... where did we see ourselves in 10 years. Honestly, I was exhausted and rather hopeless at that point. I didn’t have much to say, but my husband jumped in. He painted this really beautiful vision for our marriage that had me in tears. I had no idea that was what he was hoping for in the future and I was all for it.
Having that common vision helped me through the tough times. When I wanted to scream and give up, I held onto that vision and reminded myself that’s what we are both working towards. We are Team Jones and we’re going to make it.
Funny thing is I brought up the vision to my husband a year later and he forgot what he said, haha. But it didn’t matter because I knew what he said was true of his heart and it got me through the times I needed it to.
I know that doesn’t directly answer your question outside of getting a counselor, but I hope that helps!
Hi and thank you for this. Most people’s concept of grief is based on media, and how “you’ll get over it and move on.” Or “cmon- it’s been a year. It’s time to move on” Something I’ve learned after losing my father at age 17 (almost 20 years ago) is that the concept of loss, and grief, is forever. You’ll always miss that person. You’ll always have a hole in your heart for them. An absolutely amazing tool in my healing was an HBO documentary called “Dead Mothers Club”. It’s about all these powerful women in media and Hollywood and how they all lost their mothers at a young age. I learned that if someone like Jane Fonda can live her life with every resource and surround herself with the best people, and she still grieves and mourns 60 years later... maybe that’s normal. Maybe I shouldn’t be ashamed of my grief. As for a question, how do you feel we can normalize mourning and grief in our culture, and not have it be something to hide away or feel ashamed of? Thanks for sharing your story. I think the more we can make it public, the better - like the documentary you watched. When people realize loss is something everyone goes through, isn’t something to be ashamed of, and grief is to be expected when experiencing loss, it can “normalize” it on a societal level and create more openness and vulnerability in sharing on a personal level.
Honestly, it’s a big reason I do AMAs. I did one several years ago on this sub reddit and did one on the smaller AMA two weeks ago. It’s also a big motivation on applying to speak at TEDx. I try to book as many speaking gigs, podcast interviews, magazine features as my schedule will allow so that we can open up more conversations and invite as many people to join in as possible. The media plays a critical role and I hope more and more outlets and publications will help break the stigma around grief and loss. The more we talk about it and hear other people’s stories, the less scary it will be.
If anyone reading this has connections, please help us open up more conversations!
Thank you for doing this AMA and for sharing your experiences with people, it means a lot as I know I struggle to do so. I lost my grandfather to a severe infection last year after a 4-year battle with dementia and I have found myself more relieved than anything else, especially since his cognitive ability was declining rapidly and the isolation and worry of Covid-19 would have been a horrible thing for him to live through. I did find myself wishing that his suffering would be short-lived in the run up to his death, so I feel like I almost wanted him dead as he was inconvenient and got my wish. He was more like a father to me (I called him dad) and he was my oldest friend, so these memories cause me to feel very guilty. I know the relief is normal, along with the guilt and the irrational application of feelings, but it is hard to deal with. Do you think the guilt will ever go away? Thank you for sharing. Your desires for a short suffering are “normal” as is the relief. I felt the same for my daughter watching her body fail her and felt relief that she died quickly. That doesn’t mean we actually want them gone and I think that can be easily mixed up in our heads. Clearly you loved him and wouldn’t wish him gone for no reason. It was your love that wanted his suffering to end and that’s nothing to feel guilty or shame about. It’s important to remind yourself that and shut the lies up in your head.
Not all voices in our heads (or in the world for that matter) are good to listen to. We have to be selective because what we listen to shapes our beliefs. You’re not a bad person. You loved your grandpa and he loves you back, even now.
I know your guilt can go away and hope you can release it, even if a counselor needs to help you. Sending you so much love this holiday season ♥️
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Thanks for replying Ashley, your kind words and understanding mean a lot. I am seeing a counsellor but it is sometimes easier to write things down than say them - I think I'll bring this up with her at my next session. Sending my love your way this holiday season too. You’re welcome ♥️ and thank you!
I have lost loved ones suddenly and I found the thing that heals this loss is time. As time passes the sadness lessens and the joy of cherished memories takes it's place. You can't speed this up or mask it with something. Don't you think the passage of time is the best way to heal? I think time + intention + presence = healing Time allows us the space to heal, but if we are avoiding the pain and checking out every day, the healing won’t just happen. It takes intention and a willingness to be present in all of the emotions to listen, feel, grieve, and heal.
That’s my own personal belief.
Why do you intend to get this culture of compassion past the institutional treason of capitalism? I’m all for anything that would work on a collective organizational level. The why is because people are suffering at work and I believe we can do something about it. I was serving a family - the mom was caring for the dad who was on hospice, and they had twin girls. She told me she was let go and didn’t know how she would pay the mortgage as she was the bread winner. Her job also carried the health insurance. Her husband died weeks later.
That was it for me. I wanted to stand in front of every leader and tell them what it’s like to be a full time employee while also being a full time caregiver and the sole provider for a family. I wanted to take her story and show how heartless her bosses were as the example of what not to do.
I also would hear from different executives that they wanted to help employees who had lost loved ones or even team members who had died but didn’t know what to do.
So we are here to help.
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Well Satan bless you, I hope you succeed beyond your wildest dreams. But this just sounds like yet another individualistic response to a systemic problem. Abolishing capitalism is how you fix this, not convincing corporations to be more compassionate. It’s kind of like trying to convince individual nazis that they’re bad. You can only get so far. Good luck! I appreciate the comment and respectfully disagree. We are going to be working with executives to change the culture and support leadership in making those changes, which will impact everyone in the company to some degree and have ripple effects into future generations.
I may not fully understand the beast of capitalism, but I do understand healing and the power of love.
I’ve met several corporations that have incredible leaders and cultures already that show me it’s possible for both to exist. Tillamook is one of the companies that are leading the way with empathy and a culture of caring.
Do you have any suggestions on dealing with the sadness that comes along with memories of lost loved ones? My mom passed away on my 22nd birthday 2 years ago. She was the only close family I had. Now it's hard to celebrate my birthday without that grief creeping up. Her birthday was on Christmas Eve too, which also make the holidays tough. I loved my mom endlessly, and still do. But I'm 24 and I don't want to spend all these moments that should be filled with joy crying. Are there also any affordable services that deal with grief that you could recommend? I'm a college student with very unstable finances. I have yet to talk to a professional about what has happened, but would very much like to. First, I am so sorry. Having those dates fall on celebratory occasions can be extra challenging. Have you looked into what your school provides? Some colleges have programs or counseling offerings that are free for students. I would definitely start there. I’m glad you’re open to talking to a professional and hope you find someone who you work well with as you process everything.
There are also free mindfulness and meditation practices that you could cultivate (a simple google search on grief meditations will pull up a bunch - they’re not all good, but you can sort through them). I’m not sure if you’re a reader or like to listen to podcasts, but that’s an option too. Check out our library page that has some podcasts listed as well as some books if that’s your thing as a place to start.
I would also encourage you to think of ways to flip the script. Instead of thinking of it as a day to be miserable and sad, is there a way you could honor your mom instead? For example, if she loved flowers, you could plant a flowering plant somewhere every year to remember her and spread joy to everyone who sees it. Did she do anything for you on birthdays past that you would want to repeat in her memory? What would you gift her on her birthday and could you find a single person in a nursing home or someone living by themselves to give something to in honor of her?
For my daughter’s birthday, I was miserable for the first 4 years after she died. I literally spent the first birthday without her in her empty bed eating brownies - it was bad. Each year was different -some worse than others. But on what would’ve been her 6th birthday, I launched Love Not Lost. I invited 30 of our closest friends and family members to share my vision with and asked them to help me raise $6,000 in honor of her 6th birthday. Everyone came together to help me meet the goal and we launched our website and promo video as a result.
I hope that helps. My heart is with you!
Any tips on recovering from suicide grief? I’ve lost loved ones naturally before, but my beloved cousin’s suicide was over 3 years ago, and I’m still stuck in my grief with no end in sight. This grief is so utterly different than grief I had experienced prior, and I just can’t find my “acceptance”. I think my questions would be - how is it different for you? What has you stuck? Why is that? I made a comment earlier today about the 5 stages of grief and how they shouldn’t be applied to grief in general. Please don’t hold yourself to the 5 stages because they are specifically designed for people facing their own death. Grief in losing a loved one is complex, messy, and it doesn’t end. It doesn’t always have to be painful, but just as your love for someone doesn’t go away, your grief won’t either.
after having a lengthy conversation with a friend about how most non profit organizations do actually make money (paying board of directors and people like you) can you give some insight on this? After really just discovering this I feel a little weird considering how much money some nonprofits make. But all in all, every single one does help people so I dont have a major issue other than the misleading direction that the name Non profit has become associated with. Thank you so much for what you do! Yes - so there is a huge misconception that nonprofits should operate on zero costs, which some have the capability to do that with volunteers and connections. However, most nonprofits are set up to operate like a business - but instead of “profits” going to shareholders and individuals, it is held by the nonprofit and invested in future projects, staff, etc. We actually don’t pay our board members a penny. They are a volunteer board and actually give money to Love Not Lost to help us grow. We have two full times staff members (myself being one of them) and desperately need more to reach the capacity we want to hit, but we’re working on fundraising for that in 2021.
Just like any industry, there are good ones and there are bad ones. The lack of transparency in the nonprofit industry of the history of its existence has been a huge disappointment. Love Not Lost is 5 years old and we’ve talked with so many people who have trust issues with nonprofits in general and we get it. We’ve worked hard to earn trust from our community and show our impact and stewardship.
Education is so important and we’re grateful for people like Dan Pallotta - check out his TED talk here.. He’s written books and facilitated workshops that are pretty fantastic to encourage more entrepreneurial thinking and have more efficiency in operations. You might find his stuff interesting.
Thanks for the question and for joining the conversation. Happy holidays!
Do you have any tips on how to function with anticipatory grief? My Mom was very unexpectedly diagnosed with stage iv cancer about a month ago. While I will not give up hope that she can overcome or live a long time with this disease, I still feel like I am in the midst of grief. I am grieving the loss of her role in my life, grieving her health, and grieving the ideas I had for my future with her. Hey - just curious, would you be willing to share what state you’re in? Functioning with anticipatory grief is definitely a challenge, and if you’re able, I would highly recommend a counselor that you can confide in throughout the journey. They’ll be able to guide you through the day to day challenges that will arise and support you through specific stressors that are hard to give general advice for...
From my own personal experience with my daughter’s illness and death, it’s hard. My heart is with you on this one. It was such a struggle not to let fear of death and the future rob me of the joy and life in the present. It helped me to set intentions to choose love each day, to breathe into the present moment every time I got anxious, and remind myself of all of the things I still had.
Writing really helped me. I kept a weekly blog - sometimes daily - throughout my journey on blogspot (lol, that sounds so dated - it was 10 years ago). Grief broke me wide open and allowed me to expand so much as an individual.
I hope you can find what helps you. It’s a tough road ahead, but one that is so rich too.
My fiance lost his brother suddenly 2 months ago. They didn’t have a great relationship however were mending fences and trying to reconnect. Unfortunately the brother’s time ran out due to an overdose. The sudden death and loss has left him with not only guilt, questions, and sadness but also crippling anxiety. He never had anxiety before but now he gets triggered randomly and finds himself unable to breath, think rationally, and function almost daily. Do you have any insight on why he suddenly suffers from anxiety attacks? Or perhaps what I can do as his partner? Also, we planned on getting married in July however I’m worried it may be too soon. He insists he’ll be fine by then but I’m scared wedding stress might make him have an anxiety attack on the day of. I keep telling him we should postpone another year but he doesn’t agree. I desperately want to give him all the time he needs to grieve and allow the anxiety to go away however he seems to be opposed. I am so sorry - is he open to going to counseling? Or does he already have a good therapist? Have you seen a therapist together? It sounds like there are a lot of layers there. I’m not sure I can be extremely helpful, but I know a good therapist would be able to dive into this with you and help him with his anxiety and possibly help guide you as a couple (and help him think rationally about his anxiety, wedding pressures, etc.). Is that something you can afford or would consider?
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Thanks for replying! He will begin receiving medical insurance from his job in January so he plans on seeking help then when it is covered. We were in Mexico earlier this week and he went to see a therapist since it’s cheap out there. It was only one session however he shared with me that he found it helpful. Apparently the therapist dived into why he’s feeling anxiety and together they identified alcohol as a trigger. For context, the day before we had visited a vineyard and did a tasting. Later that night he got anxiety while walking around the beach. Anyways Since the session my fiancé has decided to stop drinking for some time to see if it helps stop the anxiety. That’s awesome. I hope the anxiety solution is as simple as stop drinking. I am pretty sensitive to caffeine and don’t drink coffee or soda often because it can cause increased anxiety for me.
If he’s open to it, I think a couples counselor would be incredibly helpful if you can find a good one. You have so many big life changes/decisions coming up and it can be hard to navigate those even in the best of circumstances. Regardless, I am rooting for you and hope you are able to communicate safely with one another and build trust through the process.
how would this work for losing an early term pregnancy? You don't get pictures of the baby. Not to mention society as a whole does not recognize or acknowledge that type of loss I agree that society doesn’t do a good job in recognizing early pregnancy loss, and I hope that’s changing as more people (celebrities included) are sharing their miscarriage stories. We will continue working to normalize loss and grief of all kinds so that support is always available to those who need it.
Our goal at Love Not Lost with our portrait sessions is to celebrate life and preserve memories of love. If there is enough time with an early term pregnancy loss, we would offer a maternity session. We’ve done this for several families - middle to late term - who knew they were going to lose their baby.
We had a mom share that the photos bring her so much joy now because she was able to feel the baby move during the session and those photos bring her back to those moments. We’ve had another mom share the photos validated her as a mother as she sat in an empty nursery on Mother’s Day.
I hope that answers your question about how it works - I made the assumption you were talking about the photo sessions since you mentioned pictures. Feel free to ask a follow up if I missed anything!
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well that would not help me as my losses were at 5 and 8 weeks out of nowhere and I was of course not showing yet. You might want to think about a way to do something for those people like me. Some of those women don't even have an ultrasound pic at that point. You seemed to think having a picture helped but I was pointing out a situation of grief and loss where they are no pictures. So what the heck would someone like me do? Do you have any suggestions? We would totally be open to hearing ideas!
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No, not really. But that grief is just as real and serious and they often go completely ignored. I know I was. I completely agree with you and am sorry that was your experience. If anything comes to you, reach out any time.
I’m a high school teacher whose students must work from home. How can I help them deal with this stress? I hope other teachers comment on things they’ve done or ideas they’ve seen others use... I can share some ideas, but again, I would love to hear from other teachers on this!
I have several teacher friends and one thing that has made a tremendous impact in one of the classes is the teacher starts every day with a check in. Every student gets to speak and share how they are doing. Sometimes it’s a “one a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling today” with short answers and other days it’s a longer prompt that encourages students to share more.
I think it’s really powerful when a teacher can create a safe space (making rules and culture standards if needed) for students to share their feelings and allow them to feel seen and heard.
How easy is it to lecture on a Tedx talk? I’ve seen some real stinkers and have heard that there is very little vetting process taking place. Each TEDx is independently operated so I believe that each one is unique and different based on the organizers and volunteers.
With that said, I was under the impression that more would be offered by TED as a whole and they are pretty much removed from it.
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how often does someone with covid cough video

Health How long does coronavirus last? When Covid-19 cough and other symptoms go away - and ‘long covid’ explained If you were to contract Covid-19, how long would you be feeling the effects Coronavirus: What is a continuous cough? When it comes to the coronavirus, the NHS defines a new, continuous cough as “coughing a lot for more than an hour, or three or more coughing episodes in 24 hours”. People who often battle a cough, like smokers or asthmatics, may find the coronavirus makes it worse. The respiratory condition presents with two key symptoms - a cough and a fever - but it can be tricky to work out if you've got Covid-19 - or just a common cold, totally run of the mill for the You're hot, you feel a cough brewing, your eye feels wonky—and, oh no, is this COVID-19? Is this the first sign you have coronavirus? "The bottom line is that only COVID test—or an antibody Particularly the disease's most common signature: A cough. Here are five signs that your cough could indicate COVID-19—and warrant a call to your healthcare provider for advice. Continuous cough is one of three main Covid-19 symptoms people are told to look out for. all he does is sit on the sidelines and carp. as Covid-19 often seems to be. New research has found that the average incubation period of Covid-19 is 5.1 days. A study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in the US found that almost all (97.5 per cent) of... We've all been there: Every time you sneeze, sniffle, cough, or feel winded lately, you're wondering whether or not you've come down with the dreaded novel coronavirus.And if you're cursed enough to cough in public, even if you're wearing a mask, everyone's eyes will dart towards you with judgment, assuming the worst.As unsettling as it may be, it's normal to have COVID on the brain 24-7 these COVID-19 cough is dry, persistent and can leave an individual short of breath. That is because the disease irritates lung tissue. As it progresses, the affected tissue may get filled with fluid. Man coughing wearing a scarf. If you often find yourself with a cough, your current situation may be nothing to worry about. Additionally, "if you are experiencing a cough at a time of year when

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how often does someone with covid cough

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